Da Couch Tomato

Music Icons: Whitney Houston

2012-02-16T10:01:00.000+08:00

I don't believe I've masturbated to Whitney Houston before, though.

When I entered law school in 2007, they had a certain freshman tradition called the "Miss Freshman" night, where every freshman block chooses one male representative to compete in a drag contest. My block, strangely, chose me. I'd like to think it was on account of my beautiful face.

The Miss Freshman contest was patterned like beauty contest for drag queens─there was a swimsuit portion, a talent portion, and a question-and-answer portion. For my talent portion, I sang "One Moment in Time", by none other than Whitney Houston. I don't remember if I won, but I don't care. I won the Best in Swimsuit award, anyway.

My relationship with Whitney Houston goes way back. When I was in California back in '96, the song "Exhale (Shoop Shoop)" was on the radio (and on MTV). In my childhood, there was a comedienne who went by the name of Whitney Tyson. When my siblings were little, my aunt took care of them, and Whitney Houston was her favorite singer. Whenever a Whitney Houston song came on the radio, she would turn the volume up and start singing out loud.

Whitney Houston, like Michael Jackson, was part of my childhood. And now she is gone. Rest in peace.

Whitney Elizabeth Houston. 9 August 1963 – 11 February 2012

Literary Icons: Wislawa Szymborska

2012-02-16T09:29:00.003+08:00

Wordpress

"Look at that spider on the ceiling."

Sometime in April last year, I was invited to a poetry event hosted by Instituto Cervantes. The program said they would be featuring both European and Filipino poets performing side by side. This of course got me excited, for upon reading the program, I saw some really big names in European literature. And the name that caught my eye was Wislawa Szymborska. Yes, the Nobel laureate. If I could perform a poem in the same line-up as a Nobel laureate, then my literary career would have reached its peak.

But it turns out Ms. Szymborska wasn't coming to the event. She wasn't even coming to the Philippines. Her work would simply be read by some Polish representative. Probably an exiled Polish pedophile.

Anyway, that was the closest I got to meeting Wislawa Szymborska. Thanks, Instituto Cervantes!

Wisława Szymborska. 2 July 1923 – 1 February 2012.

Hugo 3D Review, or 6 Reasons to Watch This

2012-02-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

YouTube

1. It's directed by Martin Scorsese.

All Movie Photo

Just like a grandfather telling a story.

Actually, I could already stop there. A Scorsese film is never crappy. Your least favorite Scorsese flick will still be good even by hipster standards. But I won't stop there, because I still have more to say.

I can actually let Scorsese's non-use of effective realism pass, since this film has no pretensions of being bilingual anyway. If you remain consistent by using only one language all throughout, that's fine. The only reason it didn't work in War Horse was because the story supposedly involved characters speaking three different languages, but what the audience heard was simply English in three different accents.

Just as 2011 marked Steven Spielberg's first venture into animated films, so too does 2011 mark Martin Scorsese's first venture into family-friendly films. (And incidentally, last year also marked both filmmakers's first try at 3D.) Just goes to prove that a great storyteller will do good in any genre.

2. It's the best 3D film ever. So far.

You Tube

Shots such as these looked spectacular in 3D.

While I was watching this, I kept saying (both to myself and out loud), "Damn, this is really great 3D." And it was. In fact, the 3D was so great that even James Cameron, the King of 3D, has been raving about it. And when I say "rave", I don't just mean "saying nice things about it". I actually mean "rave". Since I basically had the same reaction when I saw it, I'd like to think that James Cameron and I are on the same level. I can dream, can't I?

Anyway, the excellent 3D is the work of my new favorite stereographer, Demetri Portelli.

IMDb

"Say hi, Portelli!"

Mr. Portelli has shown us that it is actually possible to break the rule of "matching the intensity of the 3D with the intensity of the narrative". You can actually have intense 3D all throughout the film. And of course we have to thank Scorsese himself. A great stereographer is nothing without a director who understands 3D stereography. I'm talking to you, George Lucas.

So officially, my favorite 3D films of all time are (in no particular order of preference): U2 3D, Avatar, and Hugo.

3. It's nominated for eleven Academy Awards.

YouTube

And it has Academy Award-winning actor Ben Kingsley.

Those categories are: Writing (Adapted Screenplay), Visual Effects, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing, Music (Original Score), Film Editing, Directing, Costume Design, Art Direction, Cinematography, and Best Picture. That's the most this year for a single film. If there was a category for Best Stereography, Hugo would definitely win it.

4. It's a film about films.

YouTube

Pure cinema magic at its finest.

And it's sure to appeal to filmmakers everywhere. If you've been to film school, you'll know who George Méliès is. If you don't, then at least you should be familiar with his film Le Voyage dans la lune. Still doesn't ring a bell? Then maybe you've seen The Smashing Pumpkins video for "Tonight, Tonight", which beat Bone Thugs-n-Harmony's video for "Tha Crossroads" back in 1996?

That video, ladies and gentlemen, is an homage to George Méliès, a pioneer in special effects and trick photography. And Hugo is also an homage to the French master. I'd like to think that this film will spark a cinematic interest in 8 out of 10 kids who watch this.

5. It stars Sacha Baron Cohen.

YouTube

Even a shot of his face looks damn good in 3D.

Yes, this film also stars Academy Award-winner Ben Kingsley and Academy Award-nominee Jude Law, but I like Sacha Baron Cohen better. He provides the comic relief in this film, but it's not the obnoxious type of comedy Baron Cohen is famous for. Sacha Baron Cohen is actually a team player, contrary to the public's perception of him as an attention-hogging, eccentric comedian.

6. It stars Chloë Grace Moretz.

IMDb

They just keep getting younger and younger,
don't they, pedophile?

Okay, this one I don't need to explain anymore. Just look at her. Okay, we're done here.

Too bad, really, that this film wasn't released in the Philippines last year. Otherwise, this would have made the Number 1 spot in the annual Top 12 list.

Hugo. USA. 2012.

Rating: Nine point one out of ten.
3D: Nine and a half out of ten.

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 14: "Dangerous Liaisons"

2012-02-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

Whew. Is it me or is it just really hot to see Damon make out.

Damon, my bad-ass Damon, is back. As much as I want Elena to choose him, history tends to repeat itself. Moving on, he's so good at being self-destructive. Even if he made out with Rebekah, I don't blame him at all. It's just so refreshing to see Damon like he was in Season 1 all over again.

With the absence of the serial killer—or a kill in one of Mystic Falls's big events (and this with the oldest, most powerful vampires at that)—this episode still does not lack the "big bangs" in true TVD shipper-shattering fashion:

I wonder if he's back on the bunny diet.

Stefan is officially back to brooding and self-pity. I miss Ripper Stefan. When he said on the porch “When I let myself care, all I feel is pain”, he basically said that Elena is not worth it. And it's fine because her Salvatore brother-juggling act was just trumped by a bigger love story.

He asked Tyler to bite her so he can move in—and did so like a true villain.

Klaus fancies and enjoys Caroline. Props to Vampire Barbie for keeping her morals intact, I guess. But I hope she gives him a chance. From being the most hated to becoming the most loved villain, no one wants to see Klaus die. We all want to see him in love and feel loved for a change.

This is an excuse to include Elijah in this post.

Kol is a spoiled ass with a noticeable semi-high-pitched voice—definitely a lesser being to his look-alike brother Elijah. I'm curious: Is Elijah the eldest or Finn? Kol is obviously the youngest and Klaus acts like a middle child.

And lastly...

Time for the witches to prove their superiority over vamps and wolves.

Esther wants to kill all her children. It's her duty to bring back the balance of nature. I understand—and Finn seems to agree and is ready to die, too—but with this plot, it is inevitable and only logical to also kill all vampires after the Originals. Can TVD manage to kill Damon and Stefan as well? No.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC.

The Secret Circle. Episode 14: "Valentine"

2012-02-14T11:44:00.000+08:00

Have a witch slumber party, but need a Ouija board to contact spirits.

Use one entire episode to show and explain how powerful the medallion is only for Cassie to crush it only with one hand.

Have a good-looking-when-he-smiles guy only to have him always brood.

Introduce a possbily fatal drug only to disregard Melissa and not bring her to the E.R. when she almost overdosed.

Have a witch hunter who also turns out to be a witch.
(He really looks better smiling.)

This show has been a lot of things—mostly ironic, really—except coherent.

But if we're going to go with it: Lee has a secret motive, Melissa would probably still have a drug problem, the love triangles were and will be tense as to be expected, and there was an early wee bit of a sexual tease.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

On Seeing Eyeball

2012-02-10T23:21:00.008+08:00

My friends heroic_ and zany saw two plays from Eyeball with me at the CCP last Feb. 5.

“Doc Resureccion: Gagamutin Ang Bayan” was written by Layeta Bucoy. It won a Palanca and I can see why. The debate within the play was great, and the last scenes were killer. It took a while to get there, though. And it relied on curse word after curse word to keep the audience entertained in the meantime. I guess that worked because the audience didn’t seem used to profanity.

Plus points for Lou Veloso on stage.

“Bakit Wala Nang Nagtatagpo sa Philcoa Oberpas” was written by Carlo Pacolor Garcia. This play is close to my heart for many reasons—one being that I got to read this in its earlier forms. I think some aspects of the staging were too much, though. The ad billboard projected things that went from snarky, to corny, to historical. Sometimes, they felt like extra devices to tell people what the scene was about, in case it wasn't obvious enough. The songs were inaudible too. And the heart of the matter: a reconciled petite bourgeoisie couple, a victimized law enforcer, and a lumpen proletariat family calling the shots, got drowned out.

That makes for the score of 6.7/10 for each play.

Leave your electronic devices once in a while and hit a theater. It may even make for a great Valentine’s date.

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D Review, or Fanboy Expectations vs. Horrible Reality

2012-02-10T11:40:00.002+08:00

YouTube

EXPECTATION: Even if this is converted 3D, George Lucas will somehow push the envelope of 3D conversion and give us some groundbreaking converted 3D images.
REALITY: No. This is possibly the worst 3D I have seen. Unlike James Cameron, Lucas clearly does not know anything about 3D. The Men in Black III 3D trailer, while also converted 3D, looked more like proper 3D than this one.

amazonaws.com

Yoda to Lucas: "Kill you, I will."

EXPECTATION: The 3D will intensify according to the action sequence.
REALITY: No. The 3D was boring and flat throughout.

All Movie Photo

However, Liam Neeson's face looks good in 3D.

EXPECTATION: This would be slightly different than the 1999 theatrical version.
REALITY: Yes, slightly. The introduction to the pod racers was slightly extended (like the DVD versions). Also, they improved Yoda. Lucas couldn't resist upgrading Yoda to CGI, since the prequel puppet actually looked horrible. I just hope Frank Oz didn't mind that his puppetry went to waste.

Collider

The one on the left is definitely uglier.

EXPECTATION: George Lucas will use his special effects wizardry and fix those scenes with a fat Ewan McGregor.
REALITY: Nope, sorry. Those fat Obi-Wan shots will forever remain part of the saga.

wadelhardt.eu

"Repulse me, you do."

EXPECTATION: The outer space battles will look good in 3D.
REALITY: A bit. But this movie doesn't have that much outer space battle scenes. To see if this'll really work, we'll have to wait for A New Hope. Or better yet, Return of the Jedi. I think the jump to hyperspace would look awesome.

YouTube

Hopefully the exploding Death Star looks better than this.

EXPECTATION: The pod race sequence will look good in 3D.
REALITY: No. The cuts were too fast in order to appreciate the stereography. That's because this was never intended to be released in 3D.

Blogger

The racing pods can act better than Jake Lloyd.

EXPECTATION: Despite having watched the entire saga countless times already, there are still new things that can be discovered.
REALITY: Yes. I discovered that Keira Knightley and Sofia Coppola were part of Queen Amidala's entourage.

Blogger

"Nobody even cared I existed back in 1999."

EXPECTATION: Natalie Portman looks hotter here because she is younger.
REALITY: Definitely.

Movie Muse Reviews

"Let me seduce you with my eyes, pedophile."

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D. USA. 2012.

Rating: Five out of ten.
3D rating: Four out of ten.

New Girl. Episode 12: "The Landlord"

2012-02-09T14:31:00.001+08:00

That polo print should have been a giveaway.

I've had my share of tenant-landlord shenanigans, which can be really anything. This one is really more creepy than funny.

This is more ewww than funny, too.

I think Schmidt should carry the Douchebag Jar around. Seriously.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

Chronicle Review, or Brainstorming for the Next Big Superhero Movie

2012-02-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

TO: The Cast and Crew
FROM: The Producers
SUBJ: Chronicle

Dear People,

Good news! We got the green light to go ahead and do our superhero movie. Yay!

Just a heads up. This will be a different superhero movie. Not like Avengers. We won't have Christian Bale. In fact, we won't have any famous Hollywood names. That's because we're putting most of our budget into special effects. So we'll just get some famous Hollywood look-alikes. One of them looks like Chris Evans (in your face, Captain America!). Another looks like Nick Cannon, but uglier. But he's not really ugly-ugly. Just uglier. And the villain looks like a disturbed Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Good job, casting department!

Again, congratulations, and see you all on the first day of filming!

All Movie Photo

L-R: Fake Joseph Gordon-Levitt, fake Nick Cannon, and fake Chris Evans.

TO: The Producers
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: Joey, Special Effects
SUBJECT: Re: Chronicle

We have some concerns about the flying thing. What we really want is to make the first really realistic human flight on film. But we still have the problem with feet. Our actors keep their feet at odd angles. We can't really achieve the Peter Pan-type of flight unless we computer-animate it. The only realistic human flight on film is Neo in The Matrix, and he was CGI.

YouTube

Doesn't really look like he's flying.

TO: Joey, Special Effects
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: The Producers
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Chronicle

Are you saying, Joey, that it cannot be done? Well, what if you put the budget into special effects where it actually belongs instead of using it to score coke for the entire specail effects department? Oh yes, we know about your cocaine use. And also that bleeding nose thing when the heroes use their powers too much? We know that was your suggestion. So here's the thing, Joey. Give us realistic, non-computer-generated human flight, or you're fired.

Also, we've received some complaints from African-American radicals, asking why the black guy has to die first. It's not because he's black. It's because he's not family. Fake Gordon-Levitt and Fake Evans are cousins in the story. And it had to boil down to a sort of family battle. So we ditched the black guy. Deal with it.

P.S.: Please stop hounding the black guy for autographs. He is not the Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He just has the same name, except with the middle initial B. So his name is Michael B. Jordan. And no, he doesn't find it funny.

YouTube

"My name is Michael Jordan, and I look like Nick Cannon!"

TO: The Producers
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: Christine, Continuity
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Chronicle

We understand that this is supposed to be like some "found footage" film, like The Blair Witch Project. But exactly how are you going to sustain a film with only one camera, and with one character always behind the camera?

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Like in this shot... if the guy on the right is holding the camera,
then who's filming them?

TO: Christine, Continuity
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: The Producers
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chronicle

Why are you here, Christine? If you're creative enough, you can answer the question yourself. There are several techniques to get around the camera handicap.

Since these guys have telekinesis, we'll let them move the camera around with their powers.
We'll add another character with a camera. And that's the girl.
We'll also add other cameras such as CCTV footage.

Problem?

All Movie Photo

"Any problems and I'll crush you like this."

TO: The Producers
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: Marlo, Editing
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chronicle

We have a concern with the trailer. You asked us to include that shot of the girl covering her breasts in the trailer. But you also asked us not to include that sex scene in the final cut. Isn't it a bit unethical to promise the audience sex in the trailer, and then not deliver any in the film itself?

YouTube

Spoiler alert: Not in the film.

TO: Marlo, Editing
CC: The Cast and Crew
FROM: The Producers
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chronicle

How are we going to sell the film? We have no famous faces. So sex is the only way we can sell this. Also, Marlo, seriously? You're fired.

Chronicle. USA. 2012.

Rating: Seven out of ten.

*some info from IMDb

The Secret Circle. Episode 13: "Medallion"

2012-02-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

It's powerful and significant, but...

...blah-blah-blah about the Medallion, or Adam's birthday that looked liked only his father and (ex-girlfriend-slash-bestfriend, is it now?) Diana remembered and gave a shit, or even Devil's Spirit. We also know John Blackwell will be back; it had been in the news for quite some time. The only time I felt excited was with these scenes:

What can I say—Jake's the most fuckable bad-ass character and sex sells, when stories tend to bore. Too bad we didn't get to see some real clear action on it.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 13: "Bringing Out The Dead"

2012-02-04T21:15:00.000+08:00

Well, hello there, Mama Original.

Something tells me the Esther has some bitch in her. She's a mother and a very powerful witch. She also used the original doppleganger, Tatia's (a very nice strong name) blood for great, grave spells. Don't forget the extra-marital affair. I'm not judging, just saying she is capable of a lot of things. And it's exciting since the whole Original family dynamics is one deadly soap opera.

An Original family reunion at last.

Joseph Morgan really is a charm, brilliantly exposing all of Klaus's primal aspects as werewolf, vampire, and most importantly, as a human. With all the rest of the Originals undaggered, the danger alarm is on high alert, not just for the people of Mystic Falls or the Salvatore brothers but for Klaus as well.

Elijah cleans up really well and dangerously so—my type of combo.

We get it already; Alaric is family now, and seeing him and Elena makes me want to believe that there is hope for humans after all. And since we're on family talk, Stefan and Damon has some brotherly love to rekindle if they want to have a fighting chance.

My taste leans towards the more mature Elijah, but Kol is a real eye-candy.

Aside from mom-daughter witches opening the coffin, Bill Forbes is dead, with a fitting display of strong human morals (and still gay, mind you) till the end. Vampire Barbie needs a break from all the drama and needs to start kicking some serious butt. With the serial non-supernatural deaths of founder council peeps (an attempt on Alaric, also a council member), I still think Flirty Doc is up to no good even if she might be off the hook. And Matt is now a human tissue box.

P.S. Let me tip my hat off to the writers. Lines like, "You're on speakerphone, dick!" never fails to delight my viewing experience.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)

2012-02-03T15:46:00.000+08:00

Not the kind of dragon art style I imagined as her tat.

I think most, if not all, "Americanized" films—remakes of foreign films, translated into English (with or without accents from the country the story originally hailed from) and with big-time actors—are a waste of money and time, most especially when the original film was brilliantly done. Now you know where by biases lie. But then again, there are some good points to this version.

Just a taste of a big plus reason to watch this film

Title card/opening credits. To post a snapshot would not give justice to this sort of music video that clearly sets the mood of the entire film: dark and disturbing. The music added more bang for your buck there. One thing that was consistent in both film versions is the treatment and gravity of the subject.

Needless to say; it's graphic.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander is great and she deserves the noms, but I can't help comparing her to Noomi Rapace, who really awesomely rocked the part before her. Touch-move, Rapace was first. But it's all good—even with Daniel Craig, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgård, and their Swedish-accented English.

"I am insane(-ly great)!" Nod!

Style. The overall look of the film is a welcome improvement: more sophisticated outfits, a really nice newspaper office, and comfy home interiors. Black, white, and subdued colors and lights work. It's noticeable maybe because of the two-year age gap. Swedish style circa 2009 wasn't bad, but I guess Hollywood owns this aspect.

A big contrast to the film's theme and tone—and it looks comfy, too.

A different take. Basically, this version made research into the past more engaging as opposed to the original Swedish version that made the whodunit search a real thrill to watch. It's probably a good thing since I already knew who did it; no more suspense there. The film also focused more on the characters and relationships.

Are you going to stare or are you going to fuck—or cuddle?!

I don't want to rant about the liberal changes this version had taken, but there are a few I feel strongly about: an easy clue to solve the number mystery of the past, their version of Lisbeth and her relationship with Mikhael, and the ending. It also seemed that this film opted to spoon-feed interpretations of character relationships when I didn't have a problem discovering them on my own while watching the original version. See now why I'm biased to the Swedish film?

In the end, it's a good watch—more so, if you haven't seen the original (or read the book)—and we have David Fincher primarily to thank for that.

I've already seen the next two films of the Swedish trilogy. (Yes, I should read the books.) If there are Hollywood remakes of those in the works, let's see then if they can even the score.

Round 1: Swedish Original, 1. Hollywood version, 0.5.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo gets a seven out of ten, for being a rather tasteful remake of an already brilliant Swedish film adaptation of the Stieg Larsson bestselling novel.

*GIF by me; screencaps courtesy of VLC

You may also want to read the review for original Swedish version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and other book/movie reviews of The Millenium Trilogy.

New Girl. Episode 11: "Jess and Julia"

2012-02-02T13:59:00.000+08:00

Did I miss something? Who's the lezbo BFF on the left?

Do you remember when somewhere in this blog I said something about girls being just like any other type of girl at one point in time or in one way or another? This is another example of that.

One request I hope writers will seriously consider: Don't play this show as a road to Nick-and-Jess' happy-ever-after: "One gets a significant other and then the other kind of gets in between, so the other one ends up breaking up with"—blah, blah, blah. I know it's there underneath each episode. Just stop.

And I hope you're finally giving Winston a decent story line.

This can only be good, right?

In other news: "I really want Julia to stay!" and "Where's the douchebag jar—again?"

•screencaps courtesy of VLC

Sleeping Beauty Review, or A Nude Emily Browning Isn't Enough to Keep Me Awake

2012-02-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

Reason to watch it: Emily Browning's Nudity.

Theiapolis.com

"Just making sure you're not a tranny."

You may want to see how Emily Browning's body looks like sans vêtements. At first, of course, it's something new. Fresh meat, literally.

Theiapolis.com

Hoping to land a lingerie endorsement deal.

Then you start to see the nuances in Emily Browning's body. Like she's too white, as in cadaver-white. And her feet are too small.

Post Image

"Yuck! My feet are smaller than Chinese feet!"

When I was a kid, I remembered having this nauseous feeling whenever my eyes made contact with pornographic images. And that same feeling of nausea definitely haunted me while watching this.

Reason not to watch it: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Film Book

"Oh my. She fell asleep from sheer boredom!"

The story was so boring, and so poorly told, that I'll just share with you another story. This is the story of how I watched this flick without paying for my ticket.

It all began in Robinsons Metro East Cinema 4, where I was watching Immortals. After the movie, I made my way to Cinema 4's restroom, which had a sign on the door saying, "Please proceed to the Cinema 3 restroom". So I did. When I noticed that no one was looking, I went inside Cinema 3 and found an empty seat. I thought Cinema 3 was playing The Adventures of Tintin, but I was greeted by Emily Browning's pretty face. So I decided to sit it out, and began to notice that there were only five people in the entire cinema, and all of us were males.

The end.

Sleeping Beauty. Australia. 2011.

Rating: Three out of ten.
My restroom anecdote: Seven out of ten.

*some info from IMDb

Review of War Horse, or Why Steven Spielberg is the Best Director Ever

2012-02-01T13:03:00.002+08:00

The name "Spielberg" has already become synonymous with filmmaking. And why is that? Why does his name evoke images of a craft-loving director who has been involved with cinema since the analog days? Why is Steven Spielberg widely considered to be the best director in the history of cinema, even if he has only two Best Director Oscars?

The answer there has something to do with range. Steven Spielberg has a very wide artistic range. He can tell visual stories with subjects ranging from aliens to velociraptors (I couldn't think of something that starts with Z, so I settled for V). It also has something to do with storytelling technique. Spielberg tells his stories with such clarity, often utilizing framing in such a way as to tell multiple actions with a single shot.

But what makes Steven Spielberg, in the eyes of millions of fans, the best director ever? The answer is in his latest flick, War Horse.

1. Spielberg is great at directing horses.

For those who are unfamiliar, War Horse was a stage play before it was a movie, and before a stage play it was a book. The main star of War Horse is the horse Joey. It's not Tom Hiddleston, who dies just a few minutes into the film. And it's also definitely not Benedict Cumberbatch. It's the horse.

"Action! Go ahead. Try to knock his hat off. Perfect. Cut!"

And with the horse as the main star of his film, Spielberg had to get a horse that could act. In the stage play, they had to construct a special horse puppet, because they knew that the horse would play a very crucial part, and they had to have some semblance of control over it. Spielberg of course has no such problems like that. Because Steven Spielberg can control horses.

"Action! Now go up to the bucket and pretend you see
Sarah Jessica Parker's face. Excellent! Cut!"

I don't know how Spielberg actually did it, but I am betting he used a mix of three techniques: real horses, puppets, and CGI (listed in order of frequency of use). His superb directing skills come into play when deciding which technique to use with which shot. Even the sharp-eyed among us can't tell which is which.

"Action! Now show us that bitchy hair flip. Wonderful! Cut!"

2. Spielberg is great at directing geese.

What animal in the entire animal kingdom is more difficult to direct than a horse? The answer:

"Action! Go after the guy who played Professor Lupin in Harry Potter! Yes, brilliant! Cut!"

Yes. A goose. Or a gander. I'm not sure which. But from what I know, they're one of the most stubborn barn animals in the history of farmhouses. But Steven Spielberg is able to direct one. Look, if someone can direct velociraptors, then surely he can also direct geese, right? I mean, what are geese but modern-day dinosaurs? Right? So if Spielberg can tell a goose, "Okay, when I say action, David Thewlis starts running toward the gate, and you chase after him while flapping your wings. Got that?" then that means Spielberg is the best director ever. Because he can direct animals. He's like the Beastmaster of directors.

Basically, War Horse is a well-directed drama, but it's not something I would watch more than once. Maybe twice, maximum. I only have one problem with it, though, and it concerns a technique which I have dubbed as "effective realism". Steven Spielberg likes using accents instead of subtitles. So if the scene is about some German soldiers in the German trenches, these soldiers speak not in German, but in German-accented English. If the scene is about some French villagers cowering in fear at the approaching German army, these villagers speak not in French, but in French-accented English. Not cool, Mr. Spielberg. Use subtitles, for crying out loud.

Mr. Spielberg however makes up for his non-use of effective realism by casting this girl in his movie.

"Hi, I'm Celine Buckens. In five years, I'll be the girl that
every guy has masturbated to at least once."

Very good, then. Problem solved.

War Horse. USA. 2011.

Rating: Six and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
images from YouTube and TQN
GIFs by Sue Denim

Midnight in Paris

2012-01-31T15:11:00.000+08:00


"Love the sort of Van Goh poster" a.k.a "The title card is too simple (not that I'm complaining)"

While vacationing in Paris with his fiancée Inez (Rachel McAdams), Hollywood screenwriter Gil (Owen Wilson) falls in love with the city and dreams of, in his opinion, its golden age in the 1920s. Drunk and lost on his way back to his hotel, the city clock strikes 12 and Gil rides a vintage car to the era he loves in the city he adores. That's when the rest of the movie begins, the romance flourishes, and the smiles chime in.

"A scene to tease and to deceive. Why? Watch."
a.k.a. "A kiss is always a good start to a movie"

Like Before Sunrise (also a love story set in Europe) or Vicky Cristina Barcelona (also written and directed by Woody Allen, but less whimsical than this one), the movie carries the same tone all three movies share—very spontaneous and carefree. But while it's a love story on many levels, it's also a fantasy adventure, kind of a time-traveling, self-reflection story of a guy who seeks more in life.

"I said "more in life". not more girls in life" a.k.a "Owen is one lucky guy"
(left: with Marion Cotillard); right: with Lea Seydoux)

Part of the mystique is having world-renowned artists and literary giants portrayed by current actors. If you paid attention during your art and literature classes, you'll spot them easily and get their drift and the narrative slightly better than those who flunked the subject.

"Star-studded cast both past and current" a.k.a. "The only few I know"
Clockwise from top left: The Fritzgeralds (Alison Pill, Tom Hiddleston), Hemingway (Corey Stoll),
Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates), Picasso (Marcial Di Fonzo Bo), and Dali (Adrien Brody)

I love how all the movie's themes cut across time, also proving that old school can still be relevant in this day and age. Plus, to be so taken by the breathtaking sights of Paris—spectacular yet not very tourist-y, as Allen captured it—is always a pleasure. The film's premise and story is simple but profound, yet such a breeze to watch. And if you don't take with you romance or lessons, you should have at least bagged a good, genuine smile.

Midnight in Paris gets a seven-point-five out of ten for giving us a very timeless upgrade: romance with a hint of modern and a dash of nostalgia in the city of love.

*movie poster from apercucinephilia.wordpress.com; screencaps courtesy of VLC

Music Icons: Etta James

2012-01-27T16:53:00.001+08:00

At last.

What? Don't force me to write a heartfelt obituary, because I only know one song from Etta James, and that's "At Last". Also, it's a kind of pun, like, "Finally, she meets her Maker. At last." You know, because everyone dies, so I'm glad she gets to rest in peace at last.

Jamesetta Hawkins. 25 January 1938 - 20 January 2012.

*some info from Wikipedia
pic from All Star Pics

Bridesmaids

2012-01-25T10:05:00.002+08:00

A long-overdue post on the breakthrough all-female-lead comedy.

The photo above can make anyone dismiss Bridesmaids as a chick-flick. But it also has balls some men don't have the slightest idea how to own. Let's see why the film is such a hit that it was even dubbed as "The Ladies' The Hangover".

All the ladies, represent! (well, almost)
It's no surprise that we have stereotyped characters to start the story with; even the two semi-lead guys are no-brainer black-and-white "good" or "bad". What's nice is how they evolved through the movie—some more effectively than others, though.

Redefine your first impression of the girls from the first photo above.

"I can relate!" (first-hand or from a friend of a friend's perspective)
We see very grown-up women in their very real girls-only environment—competitive, selfish, and selfless at the same time, etc. That applies, by the way, to all girls. Every girl is, one way or another, one time or another, like every other girl.

Sorry, Chris O'Dawd, you're cue but the girls clearly take the spotlight.

It's a team effort, really.
SNL alums (Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph) pick up the cred mostly. Not-really-comic actors (i.e. Rose Byrne) also put in good work. The writing upped the ante, really—bride pooping in a designer-wedding-dress in the middle of traffic vs. cat fights all over.

Especially deserving of praise is Melissa McCarthy!

So why is the movie being a blown-out hit still a mystery to me? Maybe because not all jokes and puns are laugh-out-loud. Maybe because as a girl, the novelty isn't so new to me. Maybe because it's kind of predictable in honor of true girlfriends fashion.

Now I'm not dissing the hype this film had buzzing, nor do I object to the noms and wins it achieved. It's just not that all too much for me. But it has made its mark. It is, after all, very, very entertaining—hilarious at some points—to watch.

Bridesmaids gets a six-point-five out of ten. I strongly suggest not to follow this up with a sequel lest it be similar to how the The Hangover Part II turned out—NOT that this one is similar to that movie's predecessor. Puh-lease.

*photos from qfxblog.wordpress.com, moviesovermatter.wordpress.com, aleapopculture.blogspot.com, and prettypanda.blog.com, respectively

Happy Feet Two

2012-01-23T13:02:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if this film is made with a specific target audience in mind or if it totally wants to be like Pixar films in that it aims to hit both the young and adult audience with one stone. But in trying to do that though, I think we get more for a plot than we can handle.

First, it's reminiscent of the first film: Gloria (Pink) and Mumble's (Elijah Wood) son Erik (Ava Acres) is different. He may not have his father's rhythm or his mother's strong voice, so he thought maybe he could fly. Penguins fly? Not.

One happy family in the end, of course.

Consider also the friendship of the little furry penguins and the different family dynamics, aside from Mumble's family, we have dad Seymour and son Atticus (the chubby ones) and the British-accented mom and child. And there's also the small bit about the elephant seal and his kids' encounter with Mumble and the furry little kiddos—a really nice story though.

The former cult leader (right) and the new one (left) who didn't learn from him.

Then, there's also the new cult leader Sven (Hank Azaria) and his false hope of flight because he's really a bird, not a penguin (that beak should've given it away early on). And also Ramon's (Robin Williams) quest for love, which he found in Carmen (Sofia Vergara), you know, after a selfless act and some cheesy romantic stuff.

Second, the Penguin Nation is trapped by an ice berg gone rogue, so we have efforts to help them like giving them fish, the bit about Queen's "We are the Champions" and aliens trying to help, and tap-dancing penguins and elephant seals.

My favorites (even if they're such a distraction)

Plus, there are the krills Will (Brad Pitt) and Bill (Matt Damon), which is already a good short story by themselves. If they were trying to be kind of like Scrat in Ice Age, well, they've taken too much screen time that they take everyone's attention away from the main story. Oh, and don't forget the global warming stuff, too.

Those are a lot going on in a film, let alone a children's film. I wasn't surprised when my seven-year-old didn't pay attention to some parts and kind of wanted to stop watching even when it was so close to the end. It isn't entirely bad; there are lots of lessons to be learned. But it's just really... mumbled.

Happy Feet Two gets a five out of ten, for being a smorgasbord of a lot of stuff but not seamlessly fused together—a little too much for their real audience, the kids.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

Moffat's Variations on a Theme

2012-01-23T11:19:00.002+08:00

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. Read Only If You Had Seen the Season/Series Finales of Both Doctor Who and Sherlock. You have been warned.

Guess which Steven Moffat-helmed series this synopsis is from: "The hero's ego got the best of him as a powerful adversary plots his death. The hero's flaw is that he has become too big, too visible, too popular, too famous for his own good. In the end, the hero welcomes his inevitable death... only to cheat it by careful planning, and being crazy prepared all along."

If you guessed Doctor Who - "The Wedding of River Song", you are correct!

You are also correct if you guessed Sherlock - "The Reichenbach Fall".

As a rabid Steven Moffat fan boy, I am a bit uncomfortable watching the Sherlock season finale. It echoes too much of the season finale of the other Steven Moffat show, Doctor Who.

Just so this post doesn't bore you by not having any pictures,
here's one of Benedict Cumberbatch doing a really stupid smile.

First, the title: Both title contains a reference to a body of water: river and fall. If you had seen the recent season of Doctor Who, then the pervading sense of dread for the "inevitable" death of The Doctor was the phrase "The Silence Will Fall". Who is the silence? Let's hear it from The Doctor himself.

"And Silence would fall." All those times I heard those words, I never realized it was my silence. My death. The Doctor will fall.

As with "The Silence will Fall" meaning "The Doctor WILL Fall", so did "The Reichenbach Fall" play on the equally inevitable (unavoidable, as decreed by the canon established by Arthur Conan Doyle) death of Sherlock Holmes, who the BBC One series branded as "The Reichenbach Kid" after successfully returning a painting of the Reichenbach Falls from a thief. Thus, "The Reichenbach Fall" = "The Fall of Sherlock Holmes", in its literal and mortal sense.

Second, the plot: Both stories deal with the titular character's ego having gotten the best of him. Both Sherlock and The Doctor have meddled in people's affairs too much, and too many people are watching, too many watchful eyes waiting for one tiny misstep, one little mistake. The problem with both Holmes and The Doctor was they attracted too much attention: welcomed attention, yes, for both men are insufferably vain, and are notorious for being self-centered mad men.

The Solution: To disappear. To welcome death, create a disappearing act so convincing that even those who know them most would be fooled. Thus: Watson's grief—made more powerful by his denial ("Stop being... dead. Just stop this. For me.") was gutwrenching because it was sincere. Watson wasn't in on the plot. Neither were Amy and Rory.

River Song and Molly: When River Song looked into The Doctor's eyes, she saw through his plot to cheat death. Did Molly, that ever faithful Holmes admirer, earned her right to be in on Holmes's plot? Shortly before meeting Moriarty, Holmes met Molly as she was heading home for the night.

Sherlock: Molly, I think I'm going to die.
Molly: What do you need?
Sherlock: If I wasn't everything that you think I am, everything that I think I am, would you still want to help me?
Molly: What do you need?
Sherlock: You.

As we have already established in "A Scandal in Belgravia", there is precedence in faking an autopsy, thanks to Ms. Irene Adler's use of a body double.

Oh, my. Body switches at the last minute... AGAIN, MOFFAT? Really? You're basically pulling variations on a theme: "genius madman fakes death to lie low from public scrutiny." With Sherlock, it's forgiveable, you are bound by canon to fake his death. But with Doctor Who, you had the entire space and time to play with. You "rebooted" the entire creation to save it from crashing, and the only way you can save The Doctor from falling was putting him inside a copy, like a fucking Matrushka doll? Really, Moffat? There's no other angle to play with The Doctor's and Sherlock's inevitable death than "being too hot on the eyes of the masses", too many enemies wanting both of them dead?

Mycroft's shadow government has a dossier—maybe an entire dedicated department, even—of James Moriarty's background and current activities. He IS without a shadow of a doubt NOT A CREATION of Sherlock's. One word from Mycroft and Moriarty's ruse—the I'm-an-actor-hired-by-Sherlock—would crumble. Sure, the idea may not that easily be killed, but hey, isn't the episode all about killing old ideas by suggesting new ones? Isn't "public perception" vis-à-vis "logical deduction" the whole conflict about? Moriarty's scheme was to create a public perception of himself as the untouchable lord of all crimes, his "I'm Sherlock's Creation" plot was obviously a bluff. Even if he did successfully pull off "Sherlock is the Evil Mastermind Here" plot, he would have lost clients over to Mr. Holmes. Not so smart, is it?

Which is my problem with the Doctor Who finally as well. What did faking his own death do for The Doctor, but buy him a bit of time (which he is, by the way, lord master of to begin with). In his future (by which I mean subsequent to his fall by Lake Silencio) appearances in the Universal Timeline (not his personal timeline, which is all timey-wimey), no one is surprised to find him alive and well... suggesting that no one bought his fake death anyway. So, what's going on, really? The Doctor wanted to take a summer off?

Well, that's all I have to say to that. I wish the two finales weren't too similarly themed, or at least, not so incoveniently timed too near each other.

The Secret Circle. Episode 12: "Witness"

2012-01-22T09:29:00.002+08:00

"He didn't start the fire. It was already burning when he spread the flame-thing."

Whoa. Jake's at the infamous fire (because Little Jakey didn't want to be left at home then) but he can't remember stuff. He and Cassie had to sort of "witchy-timey-wimey" inside his head. And because of it, we now know that John Blackwell survived that night and the witch hunters were responsible for the fire. We'll meet Cassie's dad soon. Just a piece of advice to Blackwell: Please tell your daughter to stop barging into fires and rooms filled with smoke.

Faye is on the brink of a drug-experimenting-confused phase. What with Lee dealing drugs only stopping after his girlfriend(?) had too much of it. Pffft. Also, all the parents in this show are liars—a very good example to the kids, right?

*screencap courtesy of VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 12: "The Ties That Bind"

2012-01-21T10:19:00.001+08:00

O.M.G. is just one of the terms you're looking for.

ELIJAH (Aaahhh! Haha!) has been finally undaggered, one thing I've been demanding for since the return episode. I'm think a haircut is in order; that 'do isn't working for you anymore. But I'm really, really—really, really—glad you're back.

Now since the Damon-Elana kiss is out in the open, it's time to get over it. Stefan was clearly unmasked and he's threatened by the reality that Elena might be really lost to her, hence the kidnapping/turning-you-into-a-vampire-or-kill-you apology, kind of messing with her head even more. Every girl has her limit, dearie. Do you want to be with her or be the better villain?

Did I mention Elijah's back? Right, I did. Exciting isn't it?

Mama Bennet will be recovering her powers once she starts trying to do magic again with Bonnie. I'm not sure how their story arc checks out but it's nice for our resident witch to do more than just chant.

Tyler is still really a selfish douche to be able to control or get rid of his sire bond, if that means he needs to turn into a wolf a lot of times. (Why does Bill know about hybrids, anyway? There wasn't any during his time.)

And I don't care if Flirty Doc is using vampire blood to not have a patient die on her table. Even a doctor doesn't get to choose who lives or dies. Watch your ring, Alaric.

Oh, the ties that bind.

*screencap courtesy of VLC

Sherlock. Series 2, Episode 3: "The Reichenbach Fall"

2012-01-19T18:40:00.000+08:00

How to Make a Series Finale

Dear everyone on television:

Here is how to make a proper series finale:

1. Get a BAFTA award-winning actor to do some really powerful acting for the opening sequence.

"I want another BAFTA."

Here you will see the intensity and the depth of the acting of Mr. Martin Freeman. We'd like to think that the BAFTA award-giving committee carefully deliberates before awarding an actor, and whenever someone tells us that another actor should've won the award, we just show them the opening scene. Also, we're pretty sure Benedict Cumberbatch will win a BAFTA for this one.

2. Please fans of the original canon.

Next item on my Christmas list: that hat.

And you can do that with... the deerstalker. Yes, the famous deerstalker hat, begun by Holmes illustrator Sidney Paget, and immortalized by countless Sherlock actors throughout history. That was a great way we introduced the hat in episode 1, don't you think?

3. Get a good director.

~~Manila~~ London Kingpin.

In our case, we got Toby Haynes. This is actually the first time we've used him for Sherlock, but he's already churned out spectacular work on Doctor Who. Check out the crown jewels sequence, and you'll see what we mean. The classical music isn't just some random soundtrack─that's Jim Moriarty's iPod playing. So that entire sequence was viewed from Moriarty's point-of-view. That was what was going on in Moriarty's head!

4. Get a good writer.

"Now where did that screaming girl come from?"

We can't be expected to write each and every episode now, can we? We've got other things to do, you know. So we got a writer who at least understands the vision of where we want this to go. Someone who knows how to stay true to the essence of the canon. Good job, Steve Thompson. Anyway, Thompson just did the technicalities. The story and the plot all have that traditional Moffat flavor.

5. Give them one hell of a villain.

"I'm going to conquer Hollywood with my nice American accent!"

Admit it, isn't our Jim Moriarty a great villain? Andrew Scott's one brilliant actor. Complete psycho: check. Heath Ledger's Joker: check. Complete psycho: check. Multiple personalities: check. Did we mention complete psycho? Of course we did.

6. Give it a WTF ending.

Seriously. WTF.

Yes, no one does WTF endings better than Steven Moffat. We don't want to spoil anything, so in case you haven't watched our series 2 ender, we're not going to mention our WTF ending here. But we'll give you a clue. "Sherlock Holmes is Jesus Christ." And we don't mean that in a Matrix kind of way.

Okay, everybody. Now that you know how to do a proper series finale, we don't ever want to see a terrible series ender. Or we will burn you. We will burn the heart of you.

Sincerely,
The makers of

Sherlock (Series 2, Episode 3). UK. 2012.

*DISCLAIMER: "Not really us." ─S. Moffat and M. Gatiss

Rating: Nine and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
pics from VLC

You may also want to check out the review of Sherlock Series 1.

New Girl. Episode 10: "The Story of the 50"

2012-01-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

Clap, clap, clap* Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much! *Clap, clap, clap*

At last, it's the long-awaited rightful return to the spotlight of the Douchebag jar. And it's not surprising that it timely did on Schmidt's birthday. And it gets a generous donation of $50; from whom or for what, I shall not tell.

But if your force me to name one more thing I like about this return-episode, I'd have to say Julia. I think I see a lot of me in her character—except I don't really punch people in the face (yes, really), nor am I a lawyer or as gorgeous as she... nevermind. Maybe I just love Lizzy Caplan.

How can you not love that?! I can seriously imagine making out with her.

"Whoah!"

I hope she stays as Nick's girlfriend. That evens up the number with the boys, don't you think? And so now, we have almost all the "normal" girls represented: Adorkable Jess, fashion-model Cece, and tough-girl Julia... just perfect.

*screencap courtesy of VLC, photo of Lizzy from IMDb

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 11: "Our Town"

2012-01-16T15:53:00.002+08:00

He's a "drink-my-blood kind of body-fluid-exchange" kind of guy.

Now that’s something else to look forward to. Seems Klaus might have a soft spot for our dear Vampire Barbie, who makes her return with a bang. Caroline highlights this episode with her birthday-slash-funeral, a love-bite from asshole hybrid Tyler, and a shot of Klaus’s blood. Cheers!

I knew it: Flirty Doc isn’t as innocent as her smile. I wonder how this vacation from Mystic Falls will affect Jeremy. Hmmm. By the way, the council is really a joke now, what with almost everyone in it knowing who's a vampire and/or hybrid.

After the kiss last episode and this episode’s confrontation with Stefan, plus Bonnie’s objection to Jeremy’s compulsion, one thing is for sure: it sucks to be Elena right now.

*screencap courtesy of VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 11: "Fire/Ice"

2012-01-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

I want Cassie to be evil, not already-resident-bad-girl Faye.

Voodoo guy seems to serve more purpose than he should. He’s only up to no good. Good thing Faye is such a conflicted bitch; otherwise it’s a waste of an episode. But seriously, her selfish spoiled-brat witch-princess antics are really starting to get old, especially since the show’s general direction is still a messy blur. There's so many issues up in the air now that I hope the writers can resolve most of them seamlessly as the season closes, and also pick the right cliffhangers to carry over to the next season—if and when they have one.

Salvage points for the episode are: 1) We finally see a kiss between Adam and Cassie, and 2) Jake’s back. To be honest, I like him more for Cassie than goody-two-shoes Adam. Neither of them is drop-dead gorgeous but it must be that bad-boy charm.

FYI: This episode title sounds so much like a chapter in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, but not really living up to it though, if that was the idea. This show's really in trouble, if you ask me.

*screencap courtesy of VLC

Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked Review, or Adults Should Not Judge a Children's Movie

2012-01-16T15:37:00.000+08:00

Here is an apparent problem with film criticism. Let me start by showing you two one-paragraph reviews, the first by a thirty-something adult, and the second by a seven-year old child.

ADULT

"We won't stop making movies until you all have sex and have chipmunk babies!"

Oh, Hollywood, make it stop. Please! How many sequels are you going to make before you quit? Are you going to wait for Jason Lee's hair to grow white? Yes, the Chipmunks were hit in the 60s─when music came in magnetic tapes that rolled faster when the player malfunctioned, thus creating high-pitched voices. But now, in this day and age? This is obviously a lame attempt for the Chipmunks creators to make them "appeal to a whole new generation". Frankly, they've lost their novelty decades ago, and I think we have too many people competing for the Best Pop Song Gimmick Award. I'm looking at you, Glee.

CHILD¹

I like Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chiprecked because it's funny. My favorite chipmunk is Alvin because he is wearing red. My favorite color is red. I also like Theo because he is cute and fat. The girl chipmunks are pretty. I always laugh when Dave shouts Alvin's name. He is so funny. I hate the bald man in a pelican costume because he is evil but in the end he became nice so I do not hate him anymore. I hope there is Alvin and the Chipmunks 4. I will watch it with my little sister so we can sing the songs and dance together.

There. See the problem I'm getting at? An adult judging a work meant for children will be using adult standards. But all those artsy-fartsy criticism jargon gets thrown out the window once a child decides that something is worth his or her precious time. Who are adults to judge what is or is not good for children? Broccoli is good for kids, but do kids really want to eat that?

So to resolve this conundrum, we shall just give this movie two ratings.

Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. USA. 2011.

Adult's Rating: Four out of ten.
Children's Rating: Eight out of ten.

¹Not really a child
*some info from IMDb
pics from YouTube and All Movie Photo

Moneyball

2012-01-13T09:00:00.000+08:00

Just like the game of baseball can be reduced to basically two things (batting and pitching), this film can also be reduced to two things: baseball and math. The cast can also be reduced to just two people: Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill.

So it’s basically this: Brad Pitt is baseball, and Jonah Hill is math.

"If you're baseball, why're you wearing tennis headgear?"

Brad Pitt: Mr. Pitt is noticeably getting older, but his acting chops and alpha male-swagger are still there. And though he plays a retired baseball player, he never actually swings a bat. His professional youth was played by a younger actor who in my opinion looks nothing like Brad Pitt. Except maybe for the eyes. But why couldn’t they have just done some Benjamin Button special effects on Brad Pitt’s mug?

"I don't think so."

Jonah Hill: I don’t know if this is Jonah Hill’s first serious role (or first non-comedic role), but if it is, then congratulations to him. His face is actually better suited for drama. His eyes have that sorrowful look about them.

But he can also do joyful faces.

By the way, Philip Seymour Hoffman is also in this flick, but you hardly ever feel his magnificent presence. They’ve reduced him to a mere trainer who gets very few minutes of screen time. Too bad, though. What a waste of acting caliber.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk."

Apparently, Robin Wright was here, too. But who the hell notices Robin Wright, especially after her divorce from Sean Penn?

Moneyball. USA. 2011.

Rating: Six point eight out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
pics from All Movie Photo and YouTube

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

2012-01-12T09:16:00.001+08:00

For this review, Da Couch Tomato was fortunate enough to interview the director and a few cast members of the Sherlock Holmes sequel, A Game of Shadows. Here is a transcript of that interview.

**NOTE: Not really an interview**

DCT: First off, congratulations, Mr. Guy Ritchie, on a nice film.

GUY RITCHIE: Nice?

DCT: Yeah, a nice film.

RITCHIE: That's all you have to say? "Nice"? Not great, or awesome?

DCT: Well, I just saw the second episode of BBC's Sherlock season 2. Now that was awesome. This was just... nice.

(Guy Ritchie gets up and leaves)

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR: Well now, you pissed him off.

DCT: Apparently he hates the BBC version. Too bad. I wanted to ask him about his choice of casting Jared Harris as Professor Moriarty.

"Problem?"

JUDE LAW: Okay, if we are to continue this interview, can you please not mention the BBC Sherlock?

DCT: Only if I get to kiss Kelly Reilly.

KELLY REILLY: What?

DCT: Just one kiss. On the lips.

RDJ: Come on, Kelly. Just one. Guy’s not here, anyway.

REILLY: Well…

STEPHEN FRY: Oh for God’s sake, Kelly, just get it over and done with!

(Kelly Reilly and I kiss on the lips for five seconds. Ms. Reilly pulls away after I attempt some tongue on the fourth second.)

"Wait, he didn't use any tongue, did he?"

REILLY: There. Can we get on with the interview now?

DCT: We most certainly can. Okay, Mr. Downey. Ever received crap about how an American shouldn’t play a British icon?

RDJ: See, that’s one of the things I really hate. Why are Brits allowed to play American roles, but Americans aren’t allowed to play British roles? That’s stereotyping right there. There are lots of great actors in Hollywood who can do a decent British accent.

DCT: Really? Name one. Apart from yourself.

RDJ: There’s… uh… there’s… well I can’t think of anyone right now. But it’ll come to me later.

DCT: All right, I’ll get back to you on that. Now let’s go to you, Jude. What can you say about internet trolls who keep comparing your Dr. Watson performance to Martin Freeman’s Watson?

LAW: Sherlock again? Didn’t I tell you not to mention it?

DCT: I didn’t mention Sherlock . I mentioned Martin Freeman.

LAW: Well, can you please not mention anything related to BBC’s Sherlock?

DCT: Well… um… not even Benedict Cumberbatch’s cheekbones?

LAW: I said anything related to Sherlock.

DCT: Okay. As long as I get to kiss Rachel McAdams.

RACHEL McADAMS: What?

DCT: Come on, just one kiss. With tongue.

McADAMS: Oh come on!

REILLY: Do it, Rachel. I did it earlier.

McADAMS: Fine!

(Rachel McAdams and I kiss on the lips for five seconds. With tongue. She pulls away after my hand finds its way to her breast on the fourth second.)

"Wait, he didn't touch your breasts, did he?"

DCT: All right, let’s move on. Mr. Stephen Fry, why did you choose to portray Mycroft Holmes as such?

FRY: As what?

DCT: As a somewhat comic person. In the books, Mycroft Holmes is kind of a serious person. Don’t you think you might have made him too much of a comedian?

FRY: I fail to see any flaws with my performance of Mycroft Holmes. The books say he was a huge man, a little bit fat, and a genius. I fit the role perfectly.

"One crack about the broken nose, and I'll break yours."

DCT: Yes, but you sort of became the comic relief for this film now, didn’t you?

FRY: Every film needs a comic relief character, and I don’t think any of the other cast members are up to the task.

DCT: Okay, we’re almost out of time here, so let me just ask one last question to our newcomer, Ms. Noomi Rapace.

NOOMI RAPACE: I’m not a newcomer. I’m a big star in Sweden.

DCT: Yeah, right. You indulge in rap music, is that correct?

RAPACE: Yes yes yo. Ayt.

DCT: Lovely. May I see your tattoo?

RAPACE: What?

DCT: Tattoo. Your dragon tattoo.

RAPACE: That’s it, I’m out of here.

(Ms. Rapace gets up and leaves, and the other cast members follow suit, leaving me all alone to savor my kisses with Kelly Reilly and Rachel McAdams.)

"Wait, he didn't attempt anything, did he?"

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. USA. 2011

Rating: Seven point eight out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
pics from All Movie Photo

The Ides of March

2012-01-12T08:34:00.001+08:00

Any English major can tell you what the title is all about. Or at least any Shakespeare buff. The title comes from the soothsayer from Julius Caesar's William Shakespeare. Oh, sorry... from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. "Beware the ides of March."

So what does this film have in common with Julius Caesar? Nothing, except the politics. So that is what we shall discuss.

First, the campaign team of Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney) as he climbs his way up the electoral ladder. There’s Paul Zara, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, brilliant as always. So we’ll skip him.

"Yeah, you know I'm brilliant."

Then there’s his protégé Stephen Meyers, played by Ryan Gosling. Now Ryan Gosling has an all-American face, and he can act with it, especially with his eyes. But he can’t act very much with his voice. He always talks in a certain slow drawl, and is most of the time devoid of any expressions and emotions. I think he should work on that a bit. All right, after Gosling, there’s the slutty intern played by Evan Rachel Wood. Sometimes she looks pretty, and other times, she looks like a cokehead slut. As if I even know what a cokehead slut looks like.

"Yes, a cokehead slut."

On the other side of the political fence, there’s Zara’s rival Tom Duffy, played by Paul Giamatti, who is kind of the opposite of Ryan Gosling in the voice department. Giamatti’s voice is annoying, to say the least. It’s whiny, and it’s nasal. But he’s a great actor despite that.

"We both got a problem with our voice, Gosling. Deal with it."

Other actors in the cast are Marisa Tomei, whose hair I don’t like; Jeffrey Wright, who I’m seeing a lot of lately; and Max Minghella, the annoying sidekick to the Winklevii twins in The Social Network.

I almost forgot to mention that this flick was directed by George Clooney himself. However, I only have one complaint, and that is regarding the character of Governor Mike Morris himself. I felt his character wasn’t fleshed out too well, especially since his character is directly involved in the film’s turning point. I hope Clooney doesn’t justify his lack of characterization with the fact that he was busy behind the camera.

"How 'bout I justify it with my
looking awesome instead?"

The Ides of March. USA. 2011.

Rating: Six point nine out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
pics from All Movie Photo

Sherlock. Series 2, Episode 2: "Hounds of Baskerville"

2012-01-10T10:44:00.000+08:00

After recovering from the mind-blowing first episode of the second series, I have finally gotten my bearings together, giving me a clearer analysis of this second episode. And one thing I noticed was how diferrent it is.

1. Different title sequence
I should've mentioned this in the previous episode's review, but like I said, I was too blown away. So I'm mentioning it now. The title sequence is slightly different from series one. Well of course, this is a different series, so what did you expect? Wait, why did I even mention that? Okay, moving on...

2. Different style
The more discerning viewers among you might realize that this episode has a noticeably different style compared to the previous one, which was penned by Steven Moffat. That's becasuse "Hounds of Baskerville" was written by this series's co-creator Mark Gatiss, who also plays the adorable Mycroft Holmes. This episode is not as flashy as the Moffat episodes, nor does it utilize the "plant and payoff" narrative technique as much as Moffat does. Gatiss goes for straight-up storytelling. I am not saying at all that Mark Gatiss is an inferior writer; I'm just saying that the difference between the writing styles of Gatiss and Moffat are more pronounced now than they were in the first series. Just in case you've forgotten, Moffat wrote "A Study in Pink" while Gatiss did "The Great Game", and their writing styles were quite similar back then.

Even their use of on-screen text is different.

3. Different look
If you've noticed that this episode seems to have a different visual feel to it, that's because the action takes place not in urban London, but in the beautiful English countryside.

Not Middle-Earth.

There are no buildings, far fewer people, and sparing use of technology. Beautiful as this place is, this is not the natural habitat of Sherlock Holmes, and we can safely predict that they will be back in Baker Street for next week's episode.

4. Different story
The great thing about this show is that it is loosely based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and the operative word there is "loosely". I've just recently re-read the original The Hound of the Baskervilles, and I had no problem with spoilers of any kind. That's because the BBC version is nothing like the literary canon, except in essence and spirit. Which is a great thing, actually, especially for die-hard fans of the canon. Baskerville is now a place instead of a person. Dr. Mortimer is now a woman.

"Don't even think about it, John."

I was expecting to see Sherlock's infamous drug use, though, but instead we get to see him settling for second-hand smoke like a pathetic junkie.

Would've been funnier if this was marijuana smoke.

All in all, great episode. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are at the top of their game. My only problem here was the hound. It was crappy CGI, to say the least. But I don't want to spoil it for those who want to see the hound for themselves. So I leave you with a glow-in-the-dark rabbit instead.

"Ta-da!"

Sherlock (Series 2, Episode 2). UK. 2012.

Rating: Eight point four out of ten.

*GIFs by me

You may also want to check out the review of Sherlock Series 1.

On Mainstream Film Criticism

2012-01-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

The formalist criticism of film is treated as the standard mode of “reading,” especially in terms of film reviews—the main points of concern are the images, the quality of acting, the music, and progress of the plot, and so on. There is no attempt to decipher these in terms of their meaning; rather, the point is to critique these mechanisms in terms of their effectiveness, ultimately with personal enjoyment as the criterion. This, in itself, should betray the sad emptiness of mainstream reviews, which lends itself merely as a consumerist tool, and even as the “invisible hand” of Adam Smith’s exposition of Capitalist economy in The Wealth of Nations, which, from the enjoyment of the critique, makes sure that demand rises for certain works, and thus increasing their supply, and the opposite for others. It is here that we can point to the complicity of the mainstream critic vis-à-vis the machine of ideology.

The view that the critic is against ideology, insofar as the critic must be impartial, and as evidenced, for example, by the fact that the critic has refined, cultured tastes, and therefore does not enjoy films such as those judged to be merely Hollywood spectacle (Transformers) or frivolous entertainment (Meet the Spartans) is mistaken. The critic upholds its own ideology, and is in fact partial to films it finds formally excellent (but this partiality is hidden, insofar as this sort of excellence is posited as the only form of excellence—ideology at its most basic). Their inattention to the meaning which attends to these forms, and the social structures which foster them, however, lead to indifference in terms of social commentary, political implication, moral content, and so on.

The critic will merely say Transformers is a bad film, neglecting further intellectual commentary which may be made. The critic is but the arbiter of quantity, not quality, as one would think: The quantity of enjoyment which may be derived from the work. The critic therefore does not go against ideology, but merely runs parallel it, with the same trajectory but from a different source—because as the critic derides Transformers, or Meet the Spartans, or Lady in the Water, it advocates American Beauty, The King’s Speech, Black Swan, and so on, for purely formal reasons, its own ideology, which stems, of course, from the bourgeois indifference to politics, and therefore it can afford to speak of framing, and score, and characterization with reference to few else, hence the pitiful predictability of mainstream criticism in terms of which films will be favorably reviewed and which films will not, as deduced from form and theme, which, simply, must exhibit Arnoldian “high seriousness,” regardless of other factors which may lend itself to consideration.

To paraphrase the tiresome but true Brechtian cliché: Criticism is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it. One has to read this not as a prescription but a description: Criticism is always a hammer. There are no instances in which the critic, in its bourgeois inclinations, merely produces a mirror, neglecting political implication. The critic is always already politically implicated. The question now is if the critic will handle this dimension of discourse or ignore it, the latter action already an indication of the critic’s intellectual and ethical aptitude.

The Secret Circle. Episode 10: "Darkness"

2012-01-09T10:40:00.003+08:00

Time to rise above the past, dearie.

Now we see just how powerful Cassie ~~can be~~ already is with dark magic in her veins. Kill a person with a stare? Check. More powerful than an elder? Sweet. The only thing for her to do next is to learn it and use it—for the sake of the show.

Come on. We lost almost half the season being lost and confused. So much potential is wasted by slow storytelling and lack of a real threat—not to mention dated outfits and not-so-much acting. I think Evil Cassie might just save this show.

*Screencap courtesy of VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 10: "The New Deal"

2012-01-08T09:31:00.000+08:00

Even I ~~could~~ will not pull away from that kiss.

Now that is the kiss every Damon-Elena shipper should swoon over, and not the Season-2-ender kiss. If Elena isn't confused yet, well, then she's in denial.

Right now, I'm just excited to unravel the whole Original story episode by episode. Aside from the highlight I already mentioned above, we know that Stefan is capable of feeling again; he's angry. Bonnie's witch voodoo is up. Tyler is still his sired asshole self. Rebecca is re-daggered by Klaus, who's sexy-back with that accent of his. I'm not too keen on the flirty doctor, but it's nice that Alaric has something else going on for him. Caroline and Matt are MIA.

So, will Jeremy say goodbye to the show? I've mixed feelings about that and, really, Klaus can track him to any other town if he wants to.

I demanded that Elijah to be un-daggered this episode but he's still in a coffin, probably the sealed one. This return-episode didn't really quite have that bang. Though it's nice to catch up with everyone—well, almost everyone.

*Screencaps courtesy of VLC

American Horror Story. Season 1

2012-01-05T07:39:00.000+08:00

I don't remember the last time I saw a horror show on television. That's because I'm a wuss. It's not that I don't like them. It's just that I like getting scared, but I don't like getting scared. I'm not making sense. Let me put it this way. It's like you don't like the smell of your own fart, because it smells like rotten eggs, but you smell them anyway. It's the same with horror stories.

Anyway, this show seems to be critically acclaimed or something. But I've never heard of it. And that's the great thing about watching things which you know nothing about. There are no prejudices to begin with. So that when you like the show, you like it because it appeals to you, and not because of some review you read on a website by some writer who knows nothing of cinema.

1. "Pilot"

That's not what she really looks like.

Yes, it is creepy. The down syndrome kid is creepy. The burned-up guy Larry (Denis O'Hare) is creepy. The old maid is creepy. But the young maid is hot. And Violet Harmon (Taissa Farmiga) is cute. And yes, she is Vera's kid sister.

2. "Home Invasion"

Check out the man-boobs.

Really, this show is way too creepy. Constance Langdon (Jessica Lange) is a bitch. And the murders are really... creepy. Okay, gruesome. So wait, the old/young maid is a ghost? And so is the punk kid Tate (Evan Peters), right? But if they're ghosts, how are they... oh never mind. By the way, Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) looks like Adam Levine.

3. "Murder House"

And that's how the maid got the creepy eye.

All right, this show is getting pretty confusing. The "Murder House" has seen way too many murders since 1922. And now there's another one. Hayden McClaine (Kate Mara, Rooney's sister) was buried along with the maid. The maid, by the way, was shot through the eye by Mrs. Langdon back in the 80s. But now the maid's ghost is stuck in the house forever. All because of that gazebo Ben put over her grave.

4. "Halloween: Part 1"

Au naturelle.

So is this show like a Halloween special? I think it is, with all the trick-or-treat decorations. Chad (Zachary Quinto) is gay in real life, I've heard. That's the reason he plays gay roles so well. The down syndrome kid just died of a hit-and-run. So that means she wasn't a ghost. But how about the guy in the gimp suit? Is he Tate? If he is, does that mean Tate shot his seed into Mrs. Harmon (Connie Britton)? Then that would mean that the child she's carrying in her belly is a demon. Is that why the nurse fainted from the ultrasound? This show is seriously creeping me out.

5. "Halloween: Part 2"

Still cute despite the blood.

I think this is a double episode, because it actually continues the Halloween story from the previous episode. Ashley Rickards from Awkward is here. Along with a lot of other high school zombies. The only thing I don't like is that the dead are able to interact with the living, like physically. That takes a huge chunk off the creepy factor of this show. Because solid things are not really that creepy.

6. "Piggy Piggy"

The title has nothing to do with him looking like a pig.

All right. That black cop is definitely hitting on Mrs. Harmon. And she's flirting back, the skank. The show starts off with the shootout at the high school. Kind of like Columbine, I think. Except this is LA, here you have stars dying one after the other. Like Eric Stonestreet, who gives a great performance as the guy who's scared of urban legends. And lastly, that Craigslist medium is pretty.

7. "Open House"

"I want that Golden Globe, ya hear?"

Mrs. Langdon seems to have a personal interest in keeping the house just the way it is. So what do you do when a charming, rich Armenian developer proposes to buy the house, with the promise of tearing it down to make way for low-cost housing? You lure the guy to the basement, give him a blowjob, bite his dick off, then suffocate him to near-death. Then make sure his body is off the premises before he expires. Otherwise it's one more ghost to deal with.

8. "Rubber Man"

Not a ninja.

Now we know the history of the gimp suit. It was owned by the gay couple, the last inhabitants of the house before the Harmons. Yes, Chad and the blonde guy. And also, we now know who the guy in the gimp suit was. It was Tate. Yes, it was Tate that twisted Chad's neck while he was bobbing for apples. And he was also the one who impregnated Mrs. Harmon. And lastly, Mrs. Montgomery (Lily Rabe) is also quite pretty. She's the one who looks like Jenny Garth from 90210 way back in the 90s.

9. "Spooky Little Girl"

Don't pretend you don't like this.

Somehow the ghosts just keep on coming. There’s another one now, Elizabeth (Mena Suvari), who was killed by another new ghost (the dentist) and bisected by Dr. Montgomery, the very first ghost of Murder House. Then they have a new ghost, Travis (Michael Graziadei), also bisected (I thought that word was only used in mathematics). And the cliffhanger for this episode: Vivien is carrying twins. And only one of them is Ben’s. The other one is… drumroll… the anti-Christ.

10. "Smoldering Children"

"Yeah, I'm Pinay, so what?"

That male cop is Charles S. Dutton. That female cop, Detective Barrios, is half-Pinay. Her real name is Malaya Rivera Drew. I mean, come on. Anyway, getting past my hobby of spotting Pinoy blood in Hollywood, let’s get on with this show. Ben Harmon finally discovers that Tate was in the gimp suit. And Violet Harmon finally discovers that she’s… dead. No wonder she stopped attending school. Bet nobody saw that coming.

11. "Birth"

"OMG!"

Okay, what the hell is going on now? Vivien dies in childbirth, and so she joins the ever-growing ensemble of ghosts in Murder House. So really, who are the only people who aren’t ghosts? Constance is one, probably. See, I’m not even sure. And maybe Larry the burned-up guy, because he can leave the house, obviously. Well, what about Hayden? How was she able to ride a few blocks in a cop car when Violet can’t even leave the premises? This is all pretty confusing. Unless Hayden didn’t die there. Then that would explain it.

12. "Afterbirth"

"I'm a devil child!"

Woah. This is some pretty sick stuff. Now everyone’s a ghost. Sick, sick, sick. And it’s not because of the Montgomerys, although Dr. Montgomery may be a bit unhinged. It’s all because of Tate Langdon, whose mere presence has just convinced me that psychotic Caucasian teenagers are the most fearsome life forms on this planet. But there’s one thing sicker than Tate Langdon. It’s Tate Langdon, Jr. What a season ender.

Like I said: sick, sick, sick. So everyone who was alive in episode 1 is now dead (with a few exceptions). And everyone who was dead is still dead. Although I'm thinking season 2 of this show would go a different direction from this one. Maybe they'd focus on evil this time, evil inflicted by the brat that is Tate Langdon's son. You know, like that kid Damien from The Omen. I really wish they would take the action away from Murder House this time, because they've already milked everything they could from that place. Well on the other hand, this show is from Ryan Murphy, the creator of Glee. And we all know how he likes to milk things dry.

American Horror Story (Season 1). USA. 2011.

Rating: Eight out of ten.
All the pretty women here: Plus half a point.
Final rating: Eight and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
GIFs by Sue Denim
More GIFs from Tumblr here and here

Sherlock. Series 2, Episode 1: "A Scandal in Belgravia"

2012-01-03T12:16:00.000+08:00

The best way to start the new year is, of course, Benedict Cumberbatch. Y'all don't know how long I've waited for this. I even had to wait longer than the British audience, since the Philippines crosses the date line eight hours before England. Thank God I read the entire Holmes canon by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle during the holidays, mainly to keep me occupied, but also because I wanted to identify each and every allusion they throw at me this time.

"Oh, you can throw the canon out the window."

Thank you, Messrs. Moffat and Gatiss, for giving us something even better than the first series. A lot of folks on Tumblr would also be extremely grateful for giving them loads of shipping materials that would last them until 2013 (and when I say "shipping", I don't mean the one that goes in the water). It's probably become quite clear now that John Watson (Martin Freeman) is not gay, since he's gone through a string of lovers already, the latest being the lovely Ms. Oona Chaplin, but I don't think she'll be back for the next episode. Too bad also for Sarah, who was Watson's squeeze in the first season. I liked her.

"Wait, who said I'm gay?"

But Sherlock's sexual preference still leaves a cloud of doubt. Is he gay? The fact that he's never had any romantic relationship isn't really conclusive proof of that. And the fact that he went out of his way to save "The Woman" isn't conclusive proof of the contrary, either. Too bad, though. I just loved all their scenes together, with sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Too bad Irene Adler makes only one appearance in the canon, which means that Lara Pulver would also probably make only one appearance in the series.

One appearance that was totally worth it.

So, is Sherlock gay? Is Mycroft married, because he has a ring on his finger? Is Irene Adler alive? Frankly, I don't know, and I don't really care.

This applies to everyone who loves this show.

Sherlock (Series 2). UK. 2012.

Eight and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb
GIFs by Sue Denim

You may also want to check out the review of Sherlock Series 1.

Sherlock. Series 1

2012-01-03T09:49:00.004+08:00

What do both Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss have in common, aside from both being writers of Doctor Who, and proper Whovians in themselves? The answer is that they are both big fans of Arthur Conan Doyle, and the ones who came up with the idea of putting the Conan Doyle's famous creation smack in the middle of second millennium-London.

This is the first time I've actually encountered a TV show with only three episodes per series ("season" in the US), with each episode lasting 90 minutes. I'm familiar with the 6-, 12-, and 24-episode series, but not this. Anyway, I'm not complaining. I just wanted to mention that I learned something new from the Brits. Yet again.

This first series came out in mid-2010, and fans had to wait a year and a half for series 2. Blame it on Peter Jackson, whose film The Hobbit created scheduling conflicts for Martin Freeman, who plays Bilbo Baggins, and maybe Benedict Cumberbatch as well, who voices the dragon Smaug. But the BBC decided to start the year right, by bringing series 2 on New Year's Day itself, creating the grand fireworks display between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.

But before we go onto the review of the first episode of series 2, here is a recap of the entire first series. Clicking on the episode title links back to the original review, which is actually already here, so it wouldn't be necessary to click it. Unless you want to give this blog more hits, then by all means, click away.

1. "A Study in Pink"

I've been a fan of Sherlock Holmes since grade school. Although I admit, I haven't read the entire canon. But I've read quite a lot. And if you've been a fan of Holmes for some time now, you'll recognize the title from A Study in Scarlet.

Then you get to the part where Sherlock asks John:

"Afghanistan or Iraq?"

Then you'll know that this is definitely A Study in Scarlet. And this is also the part where you get hooked.

Modernizing Sherlock Holmes─Best. Idea. Ever.

And then you see Benedict Cumberbatch. And while I've got nothing against Robert Downey, Jr., I think Cumberbatch is a better Sherlock. I think it's because RDJ makes Sherlock Holmes seem cool, but Sherlock Holmes is actually a square. He's an oddball that no one wants to hang out with─except Dr. John Watson.

And although Jude Law has more ovary-bursting good looks, I like Martin Freeman's Watson better. Freeman's Watson is an ordinary every-man, a perfect complement to Cumberbatch's oddball weirdo.

Also, he still kills like a soldier.

And because this series was co-created and co-written by Steven Moffat, I've now one more reason to check out Doctor Who.

Aside from Karen Gillan's legs.

Now before we end, let me just say that it is the first episode that will determine whether you will become a fan or not. And if the bloody brilliance of the character that is Sherlock Holmes doesn't turn you on, then Benedict Cumberbatch should do the trick.

This man spawned the word "Cumberbitch",
referring to all the women whose ovaries exploded.

2. "The Blind Banker"

More Sherlock. Man, I love this show so much.

This episode shows us more of Sherlock's eccentricities. Sherlock Holmes is not just a genius. He's half-genius and half-madman.

The master at work.

This episode also shows us more of Watson's normal side. He actually goes out on dates. And his date is quite pretty, too.

Gotta love John Watson's expression here.
Sherlock, as always, is a third wheel.

What makes the chemistry between Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman work so well is the contrast between their characters. The normal-ness of John Watson balances out the pure weirdness of Sherlock Holmes.

And once more, Steven Moffat, you are a damn good writer. For those who don't know, every episode of Sherlock is kind of a hodge-podge of different Sherlock Holmes stories. This episode in particular takes from The Valley of Fear and "The Dancing Men". Now you have to admit that Steven Moffat is a master of adaptation. And this makes me excited about the upcoming Tintin flick. Directed by Steven Spielberg and written by Steven Moffat. Perfect.

"Two Stevens?"

Also, this episode introduced me to the beauty that is Gemma Chan. You are so damn cute, Gemma. But you died in this episode, so I guess you won't be coming back.

Click here to go to The Crush Archives.

3. "The Great Game"

Among the three episodes of Sherlock thus far, this is probably my least favorite. Make no mistake, I love all of them. But if I had to choose which one was my least favorite, and if I had a gun to my head, then I'd say it's "The Great Game".

First, there's just too much going on.

Too much, in fact, that Sherlock just got an orgasm.

There are five phone pips here, each pip being one mystery, so that's five mysteries in all. And although each of the five mysteries can stand alone, they are merely sub-mysteries of one big mystery. Which involves...

Professor Moriarty, which is my second point here.

I know Moriarty is psycho. But Andrew Scott is just creepy. It's the way he delivers his lines─like he's definitely unhinged. He should've been killed. Plus, he looks a bit like Jim Parsons.

My new favorite character in this show (like we have a lot to choose from) is none other than this guy:

"Who? Me?"

Yep. Mycroft Holmes. Sherlock's brother. Played by Mark Gatiss. If you think the name rings a bell, it should. You've seen it before.

Yes, he's the writer of this episode, and the co-creator of this series. And he's a bloody brilliant actor.

I loved the root canal bit.

There you go. Three great episodes. If you were a Holmes fan since childhood, then I'm pretty sure you want more of this. If you were a Holmes fan since seeing the Guy Ritchie movie, then I'm pretty sure you want to see more of this. And if you only became a Holmes fan after watching this show, then I'm pretty damn sure you want to see more of this. Case closed.

Sherlock (Series 1). UK. 2010.

Rating: Eight point seventy-seven out of ten.

*some info from IMDb and Wikipedia
pics from VLC, Tumblr here and here, cdnds.net, and Comics Alliance

The Fallen of Twenty-Eleven

2012-01-01T00:45:00.001+08:00

First, a pat on the back for a great rhyming title. Autofistbump! (Au·to·fist·bump noun \ˌä-(ˌ)tō-ˈfist-bəmp\ The act of bumping your closed left fist with your closed right fist.)

Now here is everyone we lost for the last year before the Mayan end of the world. The name links to the original obituary as it appeared on this blog. If the name doesn't link to anything, then there was no obituary composed for that person. Obviously.

Paquito Diaz

28 May 1937 - 3 March 2011

Nate Dogg

19 August 1969 - 15 March 2011

Elizabeth Taylor

27 February 1932 - 23 March 2011

Osama Bin Laden

10 March 1957 - 2 May 2011

"Macho Man" Randy Savage

15 November 1952 - 20 May 2011

Gil Scott-Heron

1 April 1949 - 27 May 2011

Amy Winehouse

14 September 1983 - 23 July 2011

Kerima Polotan Tuvera

16 December 1925 - 19 August 2011

Edith Tiempo

22 April 1919 - 21 August 2011

Steve Jobs

24 February 1955 - 5 October 2011

U Radio

2006 - 2011

Joe Frazier

12 January 1944 - 7 November 2011

*some info from Wikipedia here and here
pics from Blogger, Sweets Lyrics, The Gloss, Zimbio, Exposay, Afro Beat Radio, Time Inc., Blogger, Wikipilipinas, modmyi, Underground Radio Manila, and Boxrec

You might also want to check out the departed souls for 2010 and 2009.

The Top 11 12 of 2011

2011-12-31T18:08:00.001+08:00

And 2011 comes to a close. We now reach the much-awaited year of the Mayan calendar when the Himalayas will drown in a great wave and the earth will be repopulated with the sperm of John Cusack.

Anyway, I would like to apologize to Philippine Cinema for not patronizing you too much this year. I didn't have too much money to spend on movies, and when I did, I went for the 3D films. I'm sorry, really. I hope to watch more Filipino movies in 2012. Which is why I am hoping my friend Cris will get to work on that MTRCB deputy card. I designed her wedding invitation in exchange for this, and I really hope she honors our arrangement. Okay, let me be more blatant: Cris, if you're reading this, where's my MTRCB deputy card? Philippine Cinema needs our reviews.

Okay, so the films in this list were chosen for their rating. For films with multiple reviews, the mean average rating is considered. And that is why I keep reminding my co-writers on this blog to include a rating, if only for the sake of the year-end Top 12.

I would have wanted to do a Top 11 for 2011, just so it rhymes. But there were actually 7 films tied for the bottom slot, which would make it 14 films total. So I decided to just drop two films and end up with a Top 12 list, as always. So to find out which films would be cut, I consulted Rotten Tomatoes (no relation, despite us both having the word "tomato") and used their tomato-meter to rank these films. I ended up dropping 30: Minutes or Less and Cowboys & Aliens, much as I wanted to include the latter for its homegrown Filipino cinematographer, Mr. Matthew Libatique.

Again, this list is limited to 1) films reviewed on this blog; and 2) films released locally and internationally this year. Great films such as The Help are sadly excluded, because although it was released in the States in 2011, it will only hit Philippine theaters next year. And yes, we do condone file sharing.

Before we begin, let me remind you that the title links back to the original review. All rightey then, let's begin with...

(Five-way tie)

7. X-Men: First Class

"Not that way, Fassbender!"

People who love shipping straight men will have a field day here, shipping the young Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr until you throw up from bromance overdose. But the real life BAMF here is Azazel, who is Nightcrawler's father. Why? Because when he teleports, he goes "bamf!" Get it? Okay, people who never read the comic books won't get that one.

(Five-way tie)

7. Mission: Impossible─Ghost Protocol

"Yeah, I'll be taking over Ethan Hunt's franchise, as well as Jason Bourne's. Problem?"

Move over, Tom Cruise. There's a new Hollywood action guy on the block, and his name is Jeremy Renner. Among all the sequels, this one is the best, and I have no problem with Renner continuing the franchise, just as long as the films remain true to the spirit of what the Impossible Mission Force stands for.

(Five-way tie)

7. Kung Fu Panda 2

"Hadouken!"

Banking on the success of the previous Kung-Fu Panda, Jack Black is back (wow, that rhymes), this time with a seemingly non-threatening opponent--a peacock. But because the peacock is voiced by Gary Oldman, then that peacock just made your cock pee (in fear). Okay, that sounded really forced.

(Five-way tie)

7. Horrible Bosses

Only one guy in the world doesn't want to watch this. And his name is Brad Pitt.

Three things that make this film worth watching: 1) A douchebag Kevin Spacey; 2) a cokehead Colin Farrell; and 3) a hot Jennifer Aniston. Number 3 alone is worth it.

(Five-way tie)

7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

"I shouldn't have hugged Draco Malfoy!"

And thus endeth the saga that made J.K. Rowling the richest woman in literature. I'm not entirely sure about that fact, but come on. Seven books, eight movies, and the intellectual property rights to the greatest wizarding universe ever created. Some of you though might be concerned about Daniel Radcliffe's post-Potter career, but he's doing just fine, thank you very much. You should be more worried about Rupert Grint's. He is a talented actor, and should be remembered for more than playing Ron Weasley.

6. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

"Geronimo!"

This film pushes the envelope for motion-capture, giving me another reason to hope that the Academy recognizes the brilliance of Andy Serkis and his contribution to the art as well as the technology. And Hollywood agents will also probably recognize Tom Felton (a.k.a. Draco Malfoy) as the only Hogwarts alumnus who can do a decent American accent.

5. Contagion

All films about killer viruses are required to have this suit in their costume department.

This is not a suspense story, nor is it a mystery involving a killer virus, nor is it about a zombie apocalypse. This is a drama, with an all-star powerhouse acting ensemble, and directed by the brilliant Mr. Steven Soderbergh. Plus, it features Jude Law as an annoying blogger, pretty much like us.

4. Drive

"Yeah, my name means 'baby goose'. So what?"

2011 is Ryan Gosling's year. There's no stopping him. Let's just hope his luck continues on until next year. Or the year after that. Let him prove to us that he's more than just a hot Hollywood hunk.

3. Sucker Punch

"What? You were expecting Emily Browning?"

There are so many chicks in this flick that this should be called a "chick flick". If only Matthew Vaughn didn't beat them to it, this film's title should've been Kick Ass, because this is the film that kicked the most ass this year. Good job, Zack Snyder.

(Tie)

2. Warrior

"Watch me in The Dark Knight Rises, a'ight?"

There are already a lot of boxing movies out there, from Rocky to Cinderella Man, but Warrior is apparently the first of its kind. And it's not a propaganda film created to spread the religion of mixed martial arts. It's one bloody brilliant story, and after watching it, you'll either start hitting the punching bag, or start apologizing to your estranged sibling. It's up to you.

(Tie)

2. Super 8

Like I said, "the new Goonies".

This is not about Super 8 cameras, nor is it about aliens and monsters. This is about human drama, and the joy of adolescence in a small, white, suburban town. J.J. Abrams, you are a genius. Respect.

1. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn

"You wait for Peter Jackson's sequel."

You may think that the reason this film is number one is because I was a fan of the comic books since childhood. Wrong. This film is a directorial masterpiece, and if you've taken the time to analyze Spielberg's framing, composition, pacing, and every other directorial element, you'll know what I'm talking about. Even if War Horse hasn't come out yet here, I'm pretty sure Tintin is still better.

And that concludes our annual Top 12. Hopefully next year, there'll be more local films on the list. So please God, give us our MTRCB deputy card. We deserve it more than 90% of the people who actually have them.

*some info from
GIFs from Tumblr here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. Visit Tumblr for your GIF needs.

You might also want to check out the Top 12 films for 2010, 2009, and 2008.

Doctor Who. "The Doctor, the Widow, and the Wardrobe"

2011-12-29T01:27:00.001+08:00

Best. Tree. Ever.

From the title alone, you already know that this is an allusion to C.S. Lewis. But I really don't know why they chose The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to represent Christmas. It's got to be more than just the snow.

That little kid has pretty poor eyesight, with lenses like that. And the little sister, played by Holly Earl, is kind of pretty. Even her name is Christmas-y. ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♫

Like a younger and prettier Helena Bonham Carter.

Now you might have noticed that everytime I review a work penned by Steven Moffat, I kind of always gush like a fanboy. That's because Moffat's stories are always brilliant. This is the second Doctor Who Christmas special that I've seen, and this is also the second one that made me cry. So that's two for two. Brilliant.

I was a bit disheartened when the opening credits flashed and I didn't see the names of Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill. But it's Christmas, and Steven Moffat knows this. And here is his gift to me:

"It's Christmas, you moron."

*some info from Wikipedia

Warrior

2011-12-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

When you have a two-character narrative, and you pit them against each other, who will win? The more interesting character, or the one with the better story arc?

The one with the bigger fan base.

The more interesting character I'm talking about here is Tom Hardy, who plays Tommy, the ex-Marine who "ripped off the doors of a tank". Literally.

Anyone who punches that fast can surely
rip off the doors of a tank.

And if you thought that Tom Hardy can't do an American accent, think again. Remember, this guy was in Band of Brothers.

The other character I'm talking about is physics teacher Brendan Conlon, played by Joel Edgerton. If his face looks familiar, that's because he played the young Owen Lars in the Star Wars prequels, as well as Gawain in Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur. His story has more drama compared to Tommy, because aside from teaching physics, Brendan is also a family man, with two daughters, a beautiful wife,

Played by Jennifer Morrison,
that girl from How I Met Your Mother.

and a mortgage on the house that won't go away unless he pays it. He doesn't have money, of course, so what does he do? He signs up for the MMA World Cup─the Sparta tournament.

Headed by J.J. Riley, or the Dana White of the Sparta tourney,
who is played by this film's director, Gavin O'Conner.

And then, around halfway through the film, it is revealed that Tommy and Brendan are actually... brothers. Well actually, it's already been revealed in the beginning, but it might not be clear to some people. Wait, if they're brothers, from whose testicles did they both come from?

From Nick Nolte, of course.

So the Sparta tournament is held in Atlantic City. Yes, as in Boardwalk Empire-Atlantic City. Both brothers reach the final four, facing each other in the end.

So rabid he's frothing at the mouth.

Now how exactly do you end something like this? Who wins in the end? Of course, it's... drumroll... the one with the better story arc.

In case you forgot, he's the one on the right.

What's even better than the ending is how they got there exactly. This is actually another one of those films that made me cry. You'd cry too if you ever had a fistfight with your sibling at one point in your life. You'd understand the entire drama of the moment.

This film has been hyped as "the Rocky of mixed martial arts". And surprisingly, it lives up to the hype. This film is actually perfect─as a stand-alone film. Like Rocky. But heaven forbid that they turn this into a franchise like Rocky. We all know how that turned out.

Yes, we do.

I do watch MMA, but I'm not as big a fan as The Negation, who should've written this review. Oh, and by the way, if you've ever wondered how they make that clapping sound on the 10-second mark, it's like this:

Notice the deep concentration on that guy.

Warrior. USA. 2011.

Rating: Eight and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb

DJ Earworm. United State of Pop 2011: "World Go Boom"

2011-12-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

Listening to DJ Earworm's annual mash-up has become a tradition since 2009. Without further ado, here is the product of a whole year's worth of pop music.

I'm pretty sure that was Andrew Garfield in one of the shots. Now what in heaven's name is he doing there?

*video from DJ Earworm on YouTube

You may also want to check out DJ Earworm's mash-ups for 2009 and 2010.

Contagion

2011-12-25T12:52:00.001+08:00

This is another one of those films which I watched without having any idea about it whatsoever. Any preliminary impressions I might have had came from the title alone.

This film was also produced by Image Nation, which is a company based in Abu Dhabi. So I believe we can expect Arab wealth to find its way into Hollywood in the near future.

So anyway, my first thought was, "Contagion? Sounds like some sort of virus. Maybe it's a zombie movie or something." Because that's typically how zombie movies start. There's some sort of killer virus in the beginning, then it begins to mutate and spread, then brat-tat-tat-tat, you get machine gun fire, then blood and gore, and before you know it, it's a full-blown zombie apocalypse.

But not this film.

Yes, this one's about a virus, and a killer virus at that. Except this one centers on the human drama. Well, not just centers, but more of focuses entirely on the human drama. What happens when a killer virus strikes? How does humanity react? And this chronicles humanity's reaction on all levels. The plot absolutely does not take a zombie apocalypse direction.

What makes this film work as a drama is the extremely talented ensemble. This is like a Dream Team for the acting department. Here are the starters (in alphabetical order), who all have Acadamy Award trophies which they can use to bash your head in.

Marion Cotillard

She is so beautiful, she looks great
in any hairstyle.

Matt Damon

(who by the way does not have an acting Oscar)

"I don't care."

Gwyneth Paltrow

"Asdajijcapemajapinc"

and

Kate Winslet

"Hmm?"

Next we have two reserves, who have no Oscar trophies, but who have been nominated at some point in their lives.

Laurence Fishburne

Morpheus can whoop your ass
while drinking coffee.

and

Jude Law

"I was nominted twice."

By the time the film ended, which was when everyone had the cure injected up their nasal cavity, I thought "Well, this is a pretty decent film. It's quite good, actually." And then the end credits flash.

Okay. That explains everything.

And on a final note: Jennifer Ehle has a very pretty face.

"I know, right?"

Contagion. USA/UAE. 2011.

Rating: Seven point nine out of ten.

*some info from IMDb

Terra Nova. Episode 10: "Within"

2011-12-25T10:24:00.000+08:00

This episode is basically just a set-up for the next one. They found out who the spy was. It’s Bucket. Sorry, it’s Skye. Her nickname's actually Bucket, and I think it would be better if we had a bucket over her head the entire season.

"Duh, I'm the prettiest girl here."

There is, however, a cute girl in the hospital.

"I mean, why use my beauty toward
the end of the season?"

Bottom line is, Lucas has finished his equations.

Complete nonsense.

And now the portal can go both ways. Like I said, it’s just pretty much a set-up for the next episode.

And you all know what's coming.

*some info from Wikipedia

Raiders of the Lost Ark

2011-12-23T13:26:00.000+08:00

If you've seen The Adventures of Tintin by Steven Spielberg, you've probably already heard of the story of how he acquired the rights to redo the Tintin books on film. Since the anecdote would require effort on my part to paraphrase, let me just lift it directly from Wikipedia:

Spielberg has been an avid fan of The Adventures of Tintin comic books, which he discovered in 1981 when a review compared Raiders of the Lost Ark to Tintin. His secretary bought him French-language editions of each book, but Spielberg did not have to understand them: he immediately fell in love with its art.

This then renewed my interest in the Indiana Jones films, which I've loved ever since I was a kid. In fact, at one point in my life, I wanted to be an archaeologist, especially after The Last Crusade and Jurassic Park. That's another Spielberg film. It might be safe to say that half of my childhood fantasies were directly or indirectly influenced by Steven Spielberg.

Anyway, this review will try and see what it was about Raiders which prompted the French to cry "rip-off!"

First, there's the globetrotting aspect, of course, which is probably the most obvious.

Proof that Dr. Jones has been to the Philippines.

Then of course there's the adventure aspect, which involves historical artifacts,

I want his fedora.

some very deadly booby traps,

The iconic boulder scene, immortalized in Muppet Babies.

and some of the most insane stunts ever captured on film.

You can tell this is Harrison Ford's stunt double.

And then there's the supernatural,

Now how did they do that without CGI?

the disguises,

Not Han Solo in a Tatooine garb.

the treacherous scumbags,

Alfred Molina's first film appearance.

and the sidekick with a slight inclination to drink.

I think Marion can pack away
more alcohol than Haddock.

Of course, there are also things that are uniquely Indiana, such as gunslinging,

Far as I know, Tintin has never killed anyone.

the female admirers,

The eyelids say "Love" and "You".

the ophidiophobia (yeah, google it, baby),

To be fair, Tintin does say
"Great snakes!" a lot.

and the occassional melting Nazi.

Special effects in 1981.

Now the only reason that Hergé never touched on the Nazis was because he was warned by the SS not to do so. Of course Hergé lived in World War II Europe, while Steven Spielberg was an American Jew, so... you know.

Anyway, the decades have done nothing to diminish the cinematic value of this film. It's still as fun to watch in 2011 as it was in 1981. That's thirty years ago. Of course, movies looked really different then without CGI, and it's pretty noticeable here. But the action and adventure remain the same. I think it also has something to do with John Williams's musical score. And Spielberg's directing. Okay, maybe both. Okay, maybe the film in its entirety. Ah, never mind.

One last point: in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Marion Ravenwood may not look like much. But Karen Allen was pretty fine in the 80s.

"Fantasize about me and I'll cut your balls!"

P.S.: John Rhys-Davies, who played Gimli the dwarf in Lord of the Rings, is here as well, playing an Egyptian digger, very much the same as the dwarves of Middle-Earth, who are known for digging the mines of Moria.

Raiders of the Lost Ark. USA. 1981.

Rating: Eight out of ten.

*some info from IMDb

You might also want to check out the review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Mission: Impossible─Ghost Protocol

2011-12-22T08:12:00.000+08:00

Since this was released on my birthay, this now becomes my new nickname. GP. Ghost Protocol. Get it? Geddit?

Whatever. Anyway, this is Brad Bird's live action directorial debut. If you dismissed him as a director of children's films, think again. This guy did The Incredibles, so he knows a thing or two about action sequences. And this film is proof of that. Good call also for choosing to shoot some scenes in IMAX, like The Dark Knight. This becomes evident from the opening shot of Budapest, showing the crispness and clarity of the images. Clearly, IMAX is the HD of film.

Trust me, this looks damn good in IMAX.

Now let us analyze the IMF team. Or rather, the Ghost Protocol team. That's because IMF is no more. It has been disavowed in its entirety. (I've loved the word "disavowed" ever since the first Mission: Impossible film.)

Being disavowed never looked this cool.

Ethan Hunt: Tom Cruise is growing old. Of course, by himself, you'd think he's still the eternally youthful Maverick from Top Gun. But side-by-side with Jeremy Renner, you can clearly see the difference. I think they put Renner in this flick so he can continue the franchise in case Cruise decides to choose not to accept any more missions.

"Wheeeeee!"

William Brandt: This is Jeremy Renner's M:I debut, but from what I heard, he'll be taking over the Bourne franchise. Will it present a conflict of interest for him, being Hollywood's action go-to guy? Will it put pressure on his career?

"What pressure?"

Jane Carter: Paula Patton is maybe the hottest IMF girl since Maggie Q. She kind of looks like Alicia Keys with higher cheekbones. And she can kick ass.

Benji Dunn: Simon Pegg returns from the previous M:I flick, and here he is promoted to field agent. The thing with Pegg is that the audience knows he's there for comic relief, yet somehow he might disappoint some fans who are expecting some slapstick sidekick action. Benji Dunn is a serious field agent with some funny moments, not a funny field agent with serious moments. Nice to know the difference.

"Well, this review says I'm more than comic relief, Cruise."

This film brings us back to the true roots of Mission: Impossible. My favorite film is still the first one, directed by Brian De Palma, because it captures the world of intrigue and espionage that differentiates M:I from, say, the world of James Bond. And we have a lot of great action sequences here, especially the Kremlin sequence,

Where it goes kaboom.

showing us some of the brilliant gadgets the IMF has,

And the product placements from Apple.

and also showing us that Ethan Hunt doesn't need any facial masks to be called a master of disguise. In fact, Hunt doesn't put on any masks for this flick. That task is left to Michael Nyqvist, who is enjoying a successful Hollywood crossover after his Swedish Millenium films. Good job, Nyqvist's agent.

And since we're on the subject of the supporting cast, I'd just like to say that Léa Seydoux (who plays the assassin Sabine Moreau) is cute, and Anil Kapoor's acting (which I loved since Slumdog Millionaire) was perfect. Too bad though that Tom Wilkinson died before he even got out of the car.

Mission: Impossible─Ghost Protocol. USA. 2011.

Rating: Seven and a half out of ten.

*some info from IMDb and Wikipedia

Immortals

2011-12-20T09:32:00.000+08:00

The golden rule is: Thou shalt not judge a movie by its trailer.

Even if the trailers have explosions like this.

From the trailer of this film, you might expect it to be like 300, because it said that this was from the producers of 300. But a film is not the creation of the producers. It is merely a production by the producers (hence the root word "produce"), but it is the creation of the entire collaborative effort under the guidance of the director. And this film was directed by Tarsem Singh, not Zack Snyder, so it's nothing like 300 at all.

The look was great. What Singh wanted was for it to be an action film using Renaissance painting styles. Well, it kind of works here:

And maybe also here:

But that's basically it.

Although it works as an action film, don't get me wrong. The fight scenes were spectacular.

"Take that, 300!"

They even had the typical war speech before they started bashing heads in.

Stephen Dorff looking like Kiefer Sutherland.

So what I'm actually saying is that this film has no problems visually. It's the storytelling that makes it fail. The pacing is too slow, and there is no smooth flow from one scene to the next.

Henry Cavill doesn't show much promise in the acting department. Well, how many good actors have played Superman lately? Exactly.

Henry Cavill's acting moment:
Pretending to have an arrow.

Stephen Dorff showed more acting chops here than both Cavill and Freida Pinto combined. Although they did show Pinto's ass, which is a big career boost for her. Now she'll be able to land more roles showing off that cute Indian butt of hers.

"I'm more than just a cute butt!"

Isabel Lucas is really hot, yet no ass exposure, so... too bad for her. But the performances were salvaged by Mickey Rourke, who spoke in almost-incoherent grumbling all throughout, and maybe John Hurt's short-lived role as the old man. Quite unrealistic, though, is the fact that Theseus called him "old man" despite claiming to have known him since childhood. Really now.

One last thing: the casting wasn't so great either. For the role of Zeus, they cast Luke Evans, who kind of looked like an older Orlando Bloom. Zeus is supposed to be the alpha-god, but it just doesn't work with Mr. Evans here. Sorry. You may be a good actor, but you got cast in the wrong role.

Also, you have a dorky whip.

Immortals. USA. 2011.

Rating: Five out of ten.

*some info from IMDb and Wikipedia

Boardwalk Empire. Season 2, Episode 12: "To the Lost"

2011-12-17T14:56:00.000+08:00

And thus ends the second season of Boardwalk Empire. Margaret Schroeder marries Nucky Thompson so she doesn't have to testify against him.

The Emperor and the Gold Digger.

The accusations against Nucky are recanted. At gunpoint.

This is how a suicide in Atlantic City looks like.

Nucky's case is dismissed without prejudice. And then he reclaims the Boardwalk.

Now there is a reason why it is Steve Buscemi's character in the opening credits. It's because Nucky Thomspon IS Atlantic City. Jimmy Darmody is a nobody.

And on that note, Michael Pitt is a mediocre actor. And that's why he had to go.

Look at Buscemi's shoulder action.
Great acting right there.

I now have a new favorite HBO director. His name is Tim Van Patten.

*some info from IMDb

New Girl. Episode 9: "The 23rd"

2011-12-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

Only Schmidt can get this kind of reaction from everyone.

Candy Cane Corner and Sexy/Dirty Santa + a breakup (or two) = Laugh-out-loud and "a-dork-ward-ly" lines. Add a bit of this little guy on top and—okay, fine—his very-pregnant mom (a.k.a. Schmidt's boss) and the episode just overdosed on cute.

He reminds me of the Jerry McGuire kid.

And there's more icing on the cake—this one just warms your heart for the holidays.

She and Him singing in the background seals the deal.

P.S. My holiday wish for New Girl is...

...that the Douchebag Jar (bottom left) gets its rightful spotlight next year.

•screencaps courtesy of VLC, except for the third photo which I got from Tumblr.

Coming Soon: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

2011-12-13T14:35:00.002+08:00

Nice touch on using "Seven Nation Army".

There's Zartan, but no Zarana. Anyway, Lady Jay + Jinx = Hotness explosion. Yo Joe.

*some info from IMDb
video from Machinima at YouTube

Boardwalk Empire. Season 2, Episode 11: "Under God's Power She Flourishes"

2011-12-12T13:30:00.001+08:00

Although I did enjoy the flahsback, especially seeing a long-haired Aleksa Palladino again, as well as the dorky-haired Princeton Jimmy Darmody, I don't really know how it ties in to the story. This is the first time this show has used flashbacks this extensively.

Finally, that hypocrite Nelson Van Alden is finally brought to justice. Unfortunately, he flees.

Flight of the fugitive.

But the most disturbing thing from this episode would have to be Oedipal scene between Jimmy and his hot mother Gretchen Mol. But it's really... eeewww.

Incest at its worst. Or best. Whatever.

*some info from IMDb

New Girl. Episode 8: "Bad in Bed"

2011-12-11T15:17:00.001+08:00

New Girl and Mac Guy S&M Porn Teaser Trailer.

Again with a new opening sequence—a new cut this time. This might be the better choice. Just make up your mind, guys.

This show tackle sex in the same manner it does all other things like romance and roommates...

...and baby showers, I guess.

I think the ideal sex episode should be a balance of the adorkable (Jess), the supermodel (Cece), the real (Nick), the over-achiever (Winston) , and the flair (Schmidt). I think it focuses too much on the adorkable. But she is the star of the show, so.

It should've been alright, I guess—without that line!
This is a crappy-shit haircut, Nick. Seriously.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

New Girl. Episode 7: "Bells"

2011-12-11T11:51:00.001+08:00

This basically explains the title of this episode.

This episode... "just got serious." Not too serious to the point of tears. But it's a bit not laugh-out-loud than the rest of the episodes so far. But I like it that they're not limited to tackling romantic relationships.

No, they're not fighting for Jess's heart.

What this episode shows is how different personalities living together can be chaos. There's lots of laughs, but it's not always pretty, yet it's not always serious. Believe me, I should know. I lived four years of my life in an apartment with friends.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC