|Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold Spring|
If you don’t know who Alfred Hitchcock is, then I suggest you stop masquerading as a cinephile, because you are a liar.
Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold Spring"Cinephile... is that like pedophile?"
Alfred Hitchcock is known as the “master of suspense” for a reason. It’s because he is damn good at it. This film tackles his most famous movie, Psycho, and if that black-and-white shower scene still remains unfamiliar to you despite the countless times it’s been referenced in pop culture for the past half a century, then you are definitely not a cinephile.
Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold SpringStop lying, or we won't be
showing you her breasts.
Usually, the Academy would’ve given this film acting nominations for both its male and female leads. But not this time. I can totally understand why they passed over Sir Anthony Hopkins, because the only thing about Alfred Hitchcock he got exactly was his silhouette. His voice and his face still remained very Hopkins-y.
Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold SpringHe could also play a senior officer of Men In Black.
What I don’t understand is why they snubbed Dame Helen Mirren. Her performance here was great, to say the least. Also, did you know that Helen Mirren is hot? Yes, she is, a fact I’ve never noticed before. Helen Mirren is officially the oldest person to give me a boner.
Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold Spring"Are my breasts too big?"
Speaking of boners, this film has another woman capable of giving you one: Scarlett Johansson. She’s even been known to give women lady-boners, if you know what I mean. Johansson plays Janet Leigh, the real-life star of Psycho, and the real-life mom of Jamie Lee Curtis. Pretty cool, right?
Fox Searchlight/Montecito/Cold SpringNot half as cool as Scarlett Johansson's ass.
And before we go, here’s a picture of Helen Mirren in her youth. Enjoy.
Hitchcock. USA. 2012.
Original rating: 7.0 / 10
Michael Stuhlbarg: + 0.05
Jessica Biel: + 0.05
James D'Arcy: + 0.05
Toni Collette: + 0.05
Ralph Macchio: + 0.1
Scarlett Johansson's ass: + 0.1
Final rating: 7.4 / 10
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